Valentine!!

I don't normally do DIY posts BUT....
I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

So with a little encouragement from the Hubs I decided to share my valentine's love for this year!

The boys are REALLY into Star Wars.

So this year I took a picture with a blanket behind them in their favorite Star Wars shirt  and posed just right to slide in a light saber pencil.

Using picmonkey.com I added the text!

This blog is me being so real... so keep that in mind... LOTS OF FEAR IN SHARING.

I have put off writing this for a while now. I was SUPER insecure and not sure how to be real without sounding pathetic or even braggy.

So here it goes...

I have lost 100 pounds.

That number seems numbing to me. I can't believe this body had 100 more pounds to carry. That is the weight of my 2 kids plus some!

This is my Senior year of High School 2001.

I would be lying if I told you my weight hasn't always been an issue for me. 

Somewhere between 4th and 5th grade EVERYTHING changed and since then it has been a battle. 

In 2004, I had lost a little weight for my wedding. I was still a 16/18 and was over 200 pounds. 

After the wedding I lost control. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and I let that consume me. 

There was a point when I stopped going to the doctor because I knew they would want to weigh me and the insecure little girl inside could not stand to be told 1 more time that I was obese. I stopped weighing myself at 280 pounds. For months/years I wouldn't let anyone take my picture. This is one of the very few pictures from that stage. I was ashamed of myself but frankly was so overwhelmed it didn't seem possible to ever lose weight.

2007 I had a baby and knew I was going to be in a friends wedding so that motivated me a little. I was wearing a 22/24 in this picture. 

                                                                       2009-11

                                          I was wearing an 18 and weighing in at 240-50ish

In 2012 EVERYTHING changed. I am not even sure where we were but I remember being struck by the truth that anything we put before God in our lives is an idol. I remember feeling so sick because I knew I took more comfort in food than I did my Savior.
I knew that I was addicted and I knew things would have to dramatically change. So the journey started. It was so slow!

2014 I was fitting comfortably in a 16 and weighing about 220-230

I hit a plateau and hung out there until January of 2016 when I realized that my RA was flaring again and I was starting to put weight back on. I knew I needed something to jump start things again.

I started using Shakeology. I won't go into a HUGE explanation on that but if you want more info just message me about it. 

All I can say is it made a HUGE difference. Since Jan 2016 until Dec 2016 I have lost  35 pounds!!!

This puts me in a 12 and weighing in at 175ish pounds!!! I haven't been that size since I was in 6th grade!!!!!!

175!!!

These were taken in November 2015 and 2016

So when people ask ... How did you do it? My answer is Jesus and Shakeology! 

Jesus changed my heart and my attitude. Shakeology changed my perspective on healthy eating. 

So now here I am down 100 pounds and I could not be more thrilled!

My current plan is to attempt a little bit more.  Because of the RA, the more I lose the less I carry and the better my joints feel. All you will hear from this girl is Praises to Jesus and thanks for leading me to shakeology! 

Why I love Starbucks more than Christmas

Christmas is a name.
Starbucks is made of people.


Is there anything else to say?!

Christmas will always be Christmas whether you do or do not buy a paper cup!
Christmas is still Christmas if the cup has Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, or Feliz Navidad!!!

See, God still sent His Son Jesus... whether it is on a cup or not. 
He did that because He loves us. He sent His Son to be the payment for all the wrong in the world! 
He did that because He wants us to LOVE and to be LOVED!! 

So walking into ANY place of business and playing a "prank" on them because they don't believe the same as you... well to be frank, is just wrong... and really stupid. 

I'm not trying to insult ANYONE. 
I just think we need to be really careful. 

So let me sum up...

I LOVE Jesus! I think Christmas is AMAZING!!
And I love people. So here's a twist... let's be nice!
I think we have MUCH bigger issues to address! Did you know that November is National Adoption Month/ Orphan Care Month?!
Did you know that MILLIONS of children are sleeping cold, hungry and alone? And we are fighting over paper cups?!

So before you walk into Starbucks and LIE ('cause that's not wrong at all!!) saying that your name is Merry Christmas just so  someone who works there knows where you stand on the topic... Why not smile at them... Thank them for what they do... and when you leave, encourage them to have a great year? 

 

A few thoughts from inside the crazy head of mine!

I heard this quote...

" If you aren't willing to look stupid, nothing great is EVER going to happen to you"

 What really matters?

Does it matter what people think about me?

Should I try so hard to make sure people are happy?

I DO NOT... DO NOT.... DO NOT buy into the "just make yourself happy" movement!!

At all! 

 NO I don't deserve happiness! Not at the expense of others.
I don't get to sacrifice my responsibilities because I'm " not happy"
This is not that blog. Another day!*WINK*
So after that...
The question still stares us in the face...

Am I willing to look stupid or make mistakes in order to grow or help others grow?

Am I willing to get criticized for my stance on something or the way I am going about making some changes?

Do I care if people think I look stupid?

If you have the answer I am certainly interested.

I will happily and willingly run, jump even cling to a "crazy" way of doing things.
Maybe it's my personality, but I don't really care so much about publicly failing. Don't get me wrong; it doesn't feel good, but it also doesn't hurt too much either. It's just awkward. We poo poo failure as if it's the worst possible thing you can do. If we try, we WILL have failure. Failure is a step in the learning journey.
You've heard it before. EVERYONE who invented, created, made a new path.... they ALL failed first. They all looked crazy in the face of their peers.
I like history so I am always intrigued by the trend setter.
People who stopped following the crowd. People who decided to do things differently.
People who might have been terrified but "looked stupid" anyway... Simply for the sake of CHANGE!
My final thought is this:
If we are unwilling to look, act and be different... we will stay the same!
I have been burdened to live far, far, far away from "normal". So I don't want to be the same.

Memorial Day!

Why I LOVE/HATE Memorial Day...

This day stirs up so many emotions.

A sense of pride in my country.

The proud fact that I come from a Military Family.

The heart ache for those military families whose loved ones didn't come home.

And mostly frustration....

Not so much in an angry way but in a 'I wish you could see what I see' way.

I wrestle with this  "we can be who we want" attitude that this generation seems to be grasping onto.

And although I mostly agree, the frustration comes when we forget that the freedom we have to " be ourselves" or "express the true me" only comes because men and women lost their lives defending this country. 

So when I get this push back on being patriotic or loving our country it makes me a little sad.

I want my sons to grow up knowing that the freedoms they have and the freedoms of others came from brave soldiers who knew the cost was worth it.

So... Anti-War Organizers... I am with you! And so is every military mom ,wife, sister or daughter in the USA.... WE HATE WAR TOO!! But as you go out to protest, please just remember the freedom you have to publicly state your beliefs came from OUR family members bravely fighting and sacrificing EVERYTHING so that you could.

Freedom isn't free.... But it's worth fighting for. 

Ok that's it! 

Sorry if I stepped on some toes.... This is my freedom too. (wink)

Lonely Pain

There is this point in life when you are so alone that you just cry from the deepest part of your heart and you plead for God to hear you.

This deep heart cry often comes from the loss of a loved one. Being in church ministry for 8 years that is when I saw it most.
Every once in a while you would see it in the loss of plans or expectations that aren't met. Things like betrayal of trust or selfishness can also force you into this place.  All that to say I believe NO ONE can avoid this type of pain. At some point in your life you WILL feel this dark hurt.
And I think you have 2 choices when it comes to you....
A. Get angry and separate yourself from those near you. This is not a judgement this is EXACTLY what I have done. I don't think it's healthy but I do, unfortunately, think its normal.
or
B. Jesus. God. The Church. Faith. Grace. Peace. I know these just sound like nice words but what if they really work? Even being a pastor's wife these are still things I battle with. I get angry and I don't trust that this stuff will really work. I wish I was joking... I'm not. 

So here is the out loud part...
I know I have mentioned in the past that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. What I haven't mentioned is the amount of pain I'm in. It is not abnormal for RA patients to live with a certain level of constant/chronic pain. It is also not abnormal for that pain to be worse/better when really nothing will have changed.
On a scale from 1-10. 1 (annoying pain) 10 ( worst pain I have ever felt)
I have been functioning at 6-8 for a few weeks now.
Besides my husband and a few select friends I haven't shared this info with anyone because, well frankly, I was choosing option A.  Like I said, its what I do. It seems more logical to push everyone out of my life and live in a world isolated and alone. Also, I don't want to be the person who whines about "their pain". I  would have to write a whole different blog about how people with chronic pain don't look like they are in pain, so people assume they aren't. Inside tip on that.... THEY ARE IN PAIN it just means either you are seeing them when the meds are working and it's the part of the day when they feel best OR they are acting. I have to tell you it is often the latter.
Recently, I had a great chat with a friend who is more mature than me and also lives with constant pain. Her thoughts brought me to a very broken but necessary place...
Jesus felt a lot of pain and although His pain only lasted a few days it was WAY worse than what I'm feeling and His pain accomplished something. So every time I throw a pity party for myself and my pain, every time I close myself off from people I am NOT being a good steward of the life God has given me.
That thought seemed so foreign to me. You mean I am supposed to be a good steward of the "bad" things in my life?
It gives new meaning to that verse James 1:2 "Consider it ALL joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials"
I do not pretend to have all the answers here. 
What I have decided is that I am going to beg God to remove this from my life and if that's not what He wants, then my prayer is that He shows me how to use it! 
People hurt EVERY DAY! Whether it's physical or emotional pain; I know now that hurt is something that people live with everyday and I'm sick of living in a state where I just ignore that others hurt. I want to be consumed with God and I want that to pour out of me by loving others. ALL others! 
So if you have some sort of constant pain ... I would encourage you to find someone to talk to. If you don't have someone, please message me... I would LOVE to chat, pray and encourage you.  

lies!

Why is telling a lie so easy?

I think of it periodically because deceit was a HUGE problem for me in my teen years.

I find it interesting how quickly I can fall back into it.

With silly things like .....

My kids say mom can we ( insert some crazy or time consuming thing, that I am not excited about cleaning up)
and I reply "in a few minutes"
KNOWING that I don't plan to allow them to do what they suggested.

That's silly but NO LESS of a lie.

Then in bigger things like when someone asks my opinion and I am fearful of what they will think if they hear my "real" thoughts... So I tell them what they want to hear. Still a lie right?

OR OR

When I add a tiny more exciting element to a story just to make people more impressed with me.... Still a lie?

Are these words hurting anyone? Not really, but am I creating a character that people (my children, friends and family) can trust?


I read verses like these:

Proverbs 19:9 

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.

Proverbs 12:22 

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

And I think... So where do I go from here?

Am I doomed to be the person who subtly lies for the rest of her life?

I know God hates it and I know I don't really want to have anything to do with it. 

So what do I do from here? Where do I go next?

First, I remind myself that God doesn't hate me. 

It sounds funny to say but I need constant reminding that God loves me so much and that He is NOT this power hungry Being in the sky. I force myself to instead remember that He is loving, gentle and quick to forgive. That always astounds me because I mess up ALL THE TIME. Yet He loves me, seeks me out, enjoys my love.

Second, I remember the HUGENESS of His love. I remind myself that the silly lies or "BIG" sin issues I am having are ALL paid for. He sent His Son to shed blood all over that ugly sin in my life. 

Third, I put off the silly petty lies and resolve to be a truth teller.

So when my children ask me to do something I would rather not; instead of saying "In a few minutes" or "Maybe later" I will say " Hey guys, that project has a lot of little details that I would rather not clean up, IF you guys can promise to clean up the mess then sure we can do..."

When it comes to giving my opinion on a sensitive subject; instead of just saying what I think they want to hear I could say " You know that is a sensitive subject. Are you sure you are ready to hear thoughts that might be different from yours or something you might not like?" If the response is yes... Then with grace, love and a gentle spirit I tell them how I feel.

And as far as spicing up my stories....

That seems easy. I am going to start thinking long and hard before I decide to share a story. 

I am going to think about how useful is it that I HAVE TO SHARE A STORY? Am I trying to make the conversation about me?  

If that story is still applicable and not ME centered then I share my story... as I remember it with no added details or scenarios and pray God uses it. 

All that to say... 

I am learning that truth telling is so much more than just being honest. I want to have a truthful spirit and I NEVER want to be accused of being a liar. The thought makes me sick. 

My blog is called Living Life Out Loud and the whole concept is that I have NOTHING to hide;

that you could dig into the deepest crevice of my heart and world and there is NOTHING I would hide; NOTHING that I would be unwilling to talk about.

That said... 

I have lied. I spent a lot of my teen years deceiving anyone I could and frankly enjoying it.

Since God has changed my heart I have still lied. I have misled, bent the truth and even straight out lied. No sugar coat just plain lied.

And I am sorry. It is a battle I fear I will fight my whole life. BUT PRAISE GOD I am forgiven. PRAISE GOD!! I don't have to live in a constant state of guilt. My sin is paid for and I am set free.  

So if you knew me then -vs- now; you can see the difference.  I don't struggle with outright big ugly whoppers of lies... But as you can see, I still struggle with the silly little things that are still lies and I REFUSE to allow lies to creep back into my world and start to define me.  God has done a MIGHTY work changing the heart and mind of this crazy girl and I have no plans on returning to the sad, insecure girl who felt lies were the only way to get or keep friends. What a backwards way of thinking!! 

So if lies are your battle.... Just remember you aren't alone and you DO NOT have to stay there! 

New Year Plans!

I have wanted to sit down and blog for WEEKS!
Why haven't I?
150 reasons that would no doubt make you chuckle.

I have wanted to blog like 8 different ideas, 7 of which my sweet, amazing hubby says " Babe, you can't post that" ... and I willingly (sometimes not so willingly) trust that he is probably right.

So here it is...
Christmas is over. I have started my shopping list for next year because I am "that person".
The decorations are put away and the apartment is all clean and tidy and smells like vanilla.                (you don't care how my apartment smells but it matters to me)

I LOVE JANUARY! I think its because of the fresh start that the New Year brings.
All the attempts at bettering myself that I have failed at now seem silly and here I am aiming for new thoughts and new ways to become a better person.

I LOVE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!!! I think they are exciting and a new adventure! Now my personality is called expressive and that means I am all in for the ride and journey. I could care less if I fail.

Over the last few years I have really been focused on a healthier life style. No more fad diets! So far I have been pretty successful. Somethings I still struggle but my overall health is SO much better.
That said... I have decided that I would LOVE to treat my RA with diet and essential oils!! I am so excited!!
I spent some time doing research and talking with people WAY smarter than me and we came to the conclusion that this is the BEST option for me.

So as we get ready to dive into 2015... I am excited to see where essential oils lead my health.
I am hoping to post some of the changes I see and which oils helped.

Do you have a resolution or a way you want to better yourself in the New Year? Feel free to share!

One of those days...

You know that "I'm so totally overwhelmed I don't know where to start and I think I would rather stay on my bed and eat chocolate and get really fat and die" feeling? 

No.... Just me then? 

Hahaha I have to be honest... I don't always feel this way. 

But OH BABY when I do... It's not pretty. 

The really silly thing is I can always tell when it's coming.

 I start feeling insecure. 

I start to wonder if I will ever accomplish my goals. 

I get stressed and then I get grumpy. Grumpy at things that just shouldn't matter. 

This is when the cleaning starts. A trait I inherited from my mother... But for some reason stress pushes me into a full on cleaning frenzy! You can imagine this doesn't go over so well in a house of boys. Then I get even more discouraged because said boys CAN NOT for the life of them keep things tidy. Reality quickly sets in that they are 7 and 2 and their standard of clean is going to look quite different than mine. 

Then I take a GIANT deep breath. (You take one too! It helps!)

 I sit back and I make a to do list... I decide that I am only one person and I can only do so much. I keep a calendar and a schedule and I try my best. 

Things WILL fall through the cracks and I am certain this will cause me to panic.... But then I take another deep breath and start again.

This week has a lot in it .... So I have a to do list for each day. 

It might sound a little over the top but I tell you what.... It keeps that grumpy, frustrated side of me away. It helps me enjoy those things that would normally drive me nutty. Like for example my 2 year old deciding that he should totally unlace his shoes...right before we are walking out the door! 

I don't know why I thought by the time I got to 30 I would have things figured out.... FYI I totally Don't!

But I'm starting to enjoy the journey. 

Grown up conversation.

A friend had a meeting a few hours away and didn't want to drive by herself. So after talking the hubbykins into this great idea... We headed out. 

I dropped her off at her meeting and as I pulled away I thought.... Oh crap... What am I gonna do? Haha. I hate HATE being alone. So I ended up at Starbucks. 

I have to tell you.... My favorite part of all of this was just completing a thought. 

That sounds funny right?

But as a mommy... Sometimes it is impossible just to complete a sentence without interruption. Now these tiny people need attention and I am not down playing that. But sometimes it's nice to just soak in complete thoughts that don't include potty schedules and sippy cups. 

You may chuckle, think I'm crazy or even agree... But sometimes it's nice to talk to grown ups about anything ... I had a funny little conversation with the Starbucks guy about flour less cookies. It wasn't that interesting and he was probably just trying to sell me a cookie BUT who cares!! It was just nice. As I sit here a bride is chatting with her wedding planner ( big cheesy grin) I am just soaking in the details of her amazing wedding and beside me to lawyers are going over the list of applicants they met today and rating them. This is just plain fun for me!

Now I do understand that not everyone is this way! Haha. I love LOVE meeting new people and making new friends.  Maybe I am wrong but I think every mom at some point just needs to have adult conversation..... Maybe I am crazy? Ok we know I'm crazy.... But what do you think? 

My view as I write.

When as a mom you are SURE you might lose your mind.

I wrote this a month or so ago.....
My boys had gotten the stomach bug for the 3rd time this winter.
I didn't publish it because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just ranting.
But as I read it now I am laughing out loud and even tearing up a little.
This post came from a mom at the end of her rope.
I see her from time to time ( wink)

So read and laugh.... try not to judge. But know you aren't alone out there!





I don't know whether I should laugh or cry!

I chuckle even as I write that.

My boys have been sick for the last few days.
For the last 4 days neither one of them or myself have left our apartment.
Today is the first day that they both have felt great!
Which is good news.... except that they are getting on each others nerves.

So between cleaning... I am breaking up fights and forcing them to play AWAY from each other.
This is where the should I cry or laugh thing comes into play.
I haven't showered!
I don't know if I have brushed my teeth! ( eww)
I have all sorts of things stuck to my shirt.
Including a pig sticker that was VERY VERY important to my 2 year old. Who was so upset that said sticker was stuck on me that he went into a full on temper tantrum!
I can't remember the last time I took a shower without little people barging in.
For that matter I can't remember the last time I used the bathroom when I could close the door without someone doing something they shouldn't.

This is not a complain fest! I get it! I signed up for this.
AND as hard as it is I wouldn't change it.
But I am kinda sick of the perfect mom mentality that is pressed on us.
WE ARE NOT PERFECT!
We will lose our temper sometimes.
Sometimes we will feed our kids PB&J not because its their favorite but because we don't have energy for anything else.
We could quite possibly go a few days in a row with a clean house and clean kids but not take a shower!
I am impressed by those people who have it together.
I just think its time MOMS UNITE and stop setting such crazy expectations for ourselves.
I would be thrilled if I got to the end of my day and didn't lose my temper... But if that meant that I needed to sacrifice dishes, laundry or dusting.... would I be willing?

What would it take?

What would you do?

How far would you go?

If doing the right thing meant letting go of something.... would you?

You know ( jeesh I hope you know) that I have a relationship with a big God.
But even if you don't.... when did we as a human race stop caring about other people?

For real. It's a legit question.

 When did we start putting our needs above the needs of others?

When did we start saying things like " I am not happy so I am leaving"
forgetting entirely the lives that would be affected?

When did we stop caring about people because I don't have time ( but I just went home to watch TV)?

This is not me being judgmental. I am SO guilty of both of these.

My question is....

What would it take?

Would I give up my favorite TV show to help someone?

Would I sacrifice my "happiness" for the benefit of others?

How far would I go to dramatically change how I interact with people?

Would I be willing to give up everything I own to benefit others?

What about my plans?   What about my family? 

How far would I go to change the lives of people who are hurting?

If I decided to go ALL IN and act different... How long before I give up?

What's holding me back from really actually helping people?

Is it my social life? Is it that I am scared?

Of what?   

Am I really scared of people?  Nope.

Am I scared of being mocked? Maybe.

I am not here with an answer but I do think we are missing out on SO much by hiding in our "safe" places.
To be perfectly honest.... I am sick of feeling safe! Even as I write that out I get a sick feeling in my stomach.
But I mean it.

I am sick and tired of doing nothing because I am afraid of the unknown.

How far are we willing to go for the benefit of others?

Think Christians are hypocrites?? Yeah... so do I !

I am going to try to write this as graciously as I possibly can. I went to a conference recently and something we heard over and over was " Approach trumps content EVERY time".

I think Christians have a tendency to be hypocrites.
I hate that ALL Christians get pegged with the bad deeds of some. I want to try my hardest not to hurt or anger anyone on purpose... that would make me just as wrong.

OK so here it is....

I think that it is very dangerous when Christians put sin in levels.
Making one worse than another.

A Cheater is no worse than a gossip or a meddler.

The Bible very clearly says let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I truly and HUGELY believe in the body of Christ and the accountability that comes with it.
I do think there is room for a gracious and loving approach to someone struggling with sin.
There is NOT room for gossiping, back biting and slander.

I am not innocent. I have made mistakes and talked about people behind their backs too. So this isn't me judging you.
This is me asking you to look at the situation.
Consider the people involved.
Do you honestly think they want their business spread all over?
If this was you.... would you want people talking about you?

Isn't the golden rule:
"Do unto others what you would have them do unto you"

These are not complicated thoughts.

Its actually really simple...
You want people to stop thinking of Christians as hypocrites?
Stop talking behind each others' backs.
Stop kicking people when they are already down.
Stop talking about their sin.... because you are sinning when you do.

The cliff.

Ever have that moment when you feel like you are at a pivotal point in your life?
I often liken it to walking to the edge of a cliff wall.
It's terrifying.
You don't know how things are going to look from up there.
You put so much effort into hiking the mountain, just so you can scale that last part and come to the ledge.
But what if you get there and the view isn't wasn't what you thought it would be, or it doesn't look at all the way you imagined it?

So you don't climb the mountain, right?
I mean it would make more sense to just stay where you are and enjoy the view of what you know. The familiar is always safer, right?

I am not so sure...
What if during the climb you meet some AMAZING people? People who have been fighting the same battles. People who needed to know they weren't alone either.

What if half way through the climb you find this part of you that you didn't even know was there? What if this climb brings out a drive in you that has NEVER been there before?

What if, as you start to realize you are near the top, your whole perspective on life changes?

What if the view from the top is not what you imagined but instead so, so much better?

Would you still go?

I just got back from a CRAZY long weekend. 2 conferences back to back.
One where I was co-leading a workshop. The second where it was made so clear to me that I need to stop waiting for all the right reasons to climb the  mountain and I need to just get up and do it!

Why are we so afraid to move forward?

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between motive and motivation.
My motive tends to be ALL about me. Why am I doing it? Or painfully to say What's in it for me?

Motivation on the other hand is totally different...
Motivation for me often comes from an outside source.
A song, verse or person that encourages me.
A thought or a trigger.

Which is the best reason to get up and do something?

Should we ignore our own personal motive?
When is the best time to stand up and make a difference?

What do you think?

sick kids= crazy mom

I don't even know how to start this blog.
Its as simple I guess as when my kids are sick I turn into this person I don't even know.
I go crazy cleaning!!
I sanitize EVERYTHING!!!
I start with the kitchen and move slow and steady throughout the ENTIRE apartment until at last EVERYTHING (even children) are clean and tidy.
ONLY to have one of them barf again....
Maybe I am crazy but at that point I clean all over again.
You laugh.. I know... But I am totally serious!

Part of me is convinced that if I clean they will get better sooner.
Part of me is sure that I can have some control.
MOST of me is a tad OCD about germs.

I turn into this crazy person that whigs out a little... OK a lot!!
Maybe this is one of those things that gets better as you mature as a mommy.
I hope so!
But at this point... I am a freaked out mess when my kids are sick.

I think the most frustrating part for me is that I KNOW I need to relax.
I hate even saying that word!
I don't want to relax!
I am freaking out for a reason!
MY CHILDREN ARE SICK!!
This is a reason to freak out! Right?!
Say RIGHT!!!!

Ok I know that's not true.
I know I need to relax.
I know that no matter how much I clean it isn't gonna change how quickly they get better.
I know that I have NO control over how it works through their tiny bodies.
I know I just need to keep them as comfortable as possible.

So my kids are sick ...
I am still doing some general cleaning.
BUT
I am going to try my hardest to just cuddle today.
This might include watching a lot more movies then we EVER watch.
But that means mommy gets to cuddle with tiny boys that usually don't like to cuddle.
This also mean I need to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I clean it won't change anything.

SO....
I need to relax! 
UGH!

2013 was a year...

Blogging is one of the first things to go out the window when things get busy.
I kinda hate that.
There is just something about getting these thoughts out of my head.
Anyway....
2013 was an interesting year.
I turned 30! Yikes!
I am a lot better about it now (wink).
It was a hard pill to swallow.
So here I am sitting on the eve of 2014 and chuckling at the last year.
I remember last new years eve, thinking "ugh, I turn 30 this year" and " I am getting so old".
HAHA!
It's so funny to me how much things change in just a year.
How Jaxon went from this tiny little guy...

 To the "big" glasses wearing 1st grader!

How Dawson has come from the Baby baby stage...

 

 Into the quirky, funny, little boy stage!

 How they have grown as brothers.....

 I couldn't resist this one.

 

How... EVERYTHING Jaxon does is the coolest thing Dawson has ever seen...

 When Jaxon gets an idea... Dawson goes right along with it.
( FYI... this was ALL Jaxons idea. I don't typically dress my kiddos in cowboy gear)

 And how they fight like brothers, laugh like brothers and overall would be lost without the other one!

 These are the things that make for a great year!
So I could write a HUGE, LONG blog about the hardest parts of this year....
Or I could sum it up with this...
God moved in huge ways.
He taught us...
He protected us...
He allowed us to feel some hurt....
He watched us make mistakes...
He picked us up and got us going....
And He LOVED US!!!

So as 2014 comes in, I am being THANKFUL!!
Thankful for another year to try and be a better wife, a better mom, a better sister, a better daughter, a better friend :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Things get in the way!

Good things!!

So I am admitting to myself (sigh) that there is no possible way I can finish my list before my birthday! I have attempted! 

So here are a couple reasons:

1. I shouldn't have picked so many things that depend on other people. Trying to fit my crazy schedule around someone else's is well... challenging! Not to mention I barely have time to make my schedule work with my hubby's let alone others! 

2. I want to do more (wink) I have walk a 5k.... well now I want to try and at least jog it! If you are a runner you understand that I need to train for that! So... I need time to train.

And...

3. This list has been a great eye opener for me... I am not as scared as I was to turn 30 ( not excited...just not scared) This list has made me realize I have a lot of great ideas and plenty of adventures to enjoy. The biggest of which is the adventure of mommying. And to be fair reason number 4 could be the 2 little boys that take up a lot of my attention (willingly given). I love spending time with them. THEY make me feel young!

SO....

I am changing a few things...

I want to lose 30 pounds

I want to run/jog a 5k

I want to settle in to my better eating habits

I AM STILL GETTING A TATTOO!!!!!

These are my goals to meet by Oct 31st!!!

A secret recipe!!

Ok this one is killing me!!!

Here is what I have decided...

I am not doing this one!
Oh I know it sounds like I am giving something up on my list but that is just not the case.
If you know me you know I love food. I don't ask for opinions often because I will cry if they tell me they hate it. And in my family its not completely unlikely for someone to say they hate something. So the ONLY person I ask is my brother in law Jay.
I know this is totally random and if you know Jay you are thinking what is she nuts?! But Jay is kind and not afraid to say maybe a little this or a little more that.... And he isn't mean and doesn't make me feel stupid! (Even though I thought I almost killed him once... Ask him about the calzones I made for him)
Soooo...
I have made a few dishes that I thought this would be a perfect secret recipe...
Banana split cake
Zucchini lasagna
But every time someone says this is good and I think.... They should make this too!
They should be able to put their own creative spin on things.
Cooking/ Baking and be such a refreshing expression of ones artistic ability, why would I limit someone from making tasty art! So I am going to post the recipes and its no secret!

Banana Split Cake!
This is a two layer cake.
I used New Hope Mills GF vanilla cake mix.
In the middle of the two prepared cakes I put melted peanut butter and bananas.
I frosted the cake with chocolate whipped frosting and topped it with sliced strawberries :) soooo yummy!

Zucchini Lasagna.

Make normal lasagna just replace noodles with zucchini.
It's so tasty! Even my little boys loved it!
Only caution is ... It's super juicy so let it set for a bit when you take it out of the oven.

I do not claim to be a chef!
So these are nothing new I am sure... But still fun things I enjoyed making!

Enjoy your tasty art!!

They won't go in order!

If i was to cross all these off in order I would have to lose 10 more pounds really fast! But I am happy to say I am close!!

So I will be posting as I do these. Some may fall in order some may not.

The next one is number 10 Get quoted!!
This is something I have actually already done.
I was interviewed by a sweet little news paper called "The Good News"!
It was all about national adoption month and our (mine and Dave's ) perspective at adoptive parents.

I am working really hard to get a link so you can read the article but so far I am not having any luck! What I do have is a few pictures!


Also in this number 11 Be on the Radio....
Again I was really hoping to be able to post a link to share the interview but for some reason the station does not allow that. Sad news. But it can get crossed off the list bc in early November I was interviewed by a station out of Buffalo. We talked a lot about Bethany Christian Services and national adoption month!
It was sorta scary but really fun!

Ok so that's 2 more off the list!

30. Put colors in my hair :)

Ok well I have wanted to do this for years! But I went to a small Christian high school that did not allow (crazy) hair coloring. So I waited....
And got married...
And had kids...
And started working at a camp....
The time was right!!!
So after years and years of waiting I did it!

My hair dresser is fantastic!
I love this lady!!
We met when I was a frizzy haired mess in junior high. I babysat her girls and she taught me all the major do's and don'ts of curly hair maintenance. No kidding since I was 12 probably only 2 other people have cut my hair! I can't say enough about her.
So if you are in need of a hair stylist let me know.... I will give you her info.

That being said the pictures don't really do it justice .... But the colors are red, pink, purple and blue :)