He is big.
He is personal.
He is around us.
He is what keeps our hearts beating and lungs breathing.
God.
Big... Really, Really BIG and into little tiny details.
I love that about Him!
I don't even know where to begin. As I sit here 1 day away from the 2 week birthday of our Baby Boy! I am amazed. I am blogging and he is sitting quietly in the swing just watching me.
God is so Good!
I haven't really had a chance to sit and process everything. It might have something to do with the tiny bundle of baby boy who is limiting my sleep ;)
So in the last day or so I have been really thinking about what it is that God really wants me to share.
So I am gonna back up to where we left off.
In my last blog I was watching the Birth Mom make one of the hardest decisions of her life.
I felt torn between true hurt for her and my desperate need to love on my little boy.
That was the "kicked in the face" feeling.
I wanted so badly to wrap her in my arms and promise her that I wasn't taking him away. I wanted her to know that I am committed to my friendships and that her's would be one of the most important of my life. I wanted to comfort her.
She on the other hand~ She wanted to show him off to me. She wanted me to soak him in but I was so torn. It was obvious from her face that she was too.
So that was Tuesday.
Tuesday night the man that was made for me knew exactly what I needed. We got take out and went back to our hotel. We got all snuggled in some cozy clothes and well to be clear.... I cried... A LOT!
I choked it back for a while but God was the one hitting me in the face.
Like saying Jeanne, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE HERE!
Wednesday morning we got a call and we had a plan to go get our Boy!
12noon we met the SW and got to hold our little guy.
The rest of Wednesday was a blur. They told us that basically we were just babysitting until the papers were all signed. That evening some AMAZINGLY supportive friends stopped in to see us.
I can't tell you how helpful that was. Basically, I was giving Dawson all the care he needed but not really soaking him in, like not really saying "mommy or daddy"... Mostly, because I was so afraid of the phone call that would say she had changed her mind.
Thursday we headed to sign papers.
Thursday evening was the best part.
I don't want to give too many details because some of this I want to save just for Dawson.
What I can say is ...
If you are involved in a domestic adoption and you have a chance to have a "Blessing Ceremony" DO IT!!
I was a little nervous at first but basically it was a time to read scripture and just bathe the whole situation in prayer. We are truly blessed to have a Birth Mom who knows Jesus Christ as her Savior. So these moments together were truly a blessing.
Friday morning we got things tidied up in our hotel room expecting our Moms and Jaxon to arrive shortly.
The plan was that they would bring Jax down and stay a night or 2 before heading back. We were told to plan on being there for a week at the very least. Friday afternoon we were going to head out to dinner and my phone rang and it was our SW she said " In my career it has NEVER gone this fast. In less than 24 hours you guys were cleared to go home"! My jaw dropped! I think I might have shrieked in excitement but you will have to ask my mom for sure :)
So we spent the night and in the morning first thing we packed up and headed home.
Our loving church family arranged for us to get meals. HUGE HELP!
So a week ago I was just getting home and feeling a little (haha) overwhelmed. Wishing desperately that Bethany was still living here ;) ( that's my shout out to her) We miss you girl!
Now I am sitting here snug in my nice warm house soaking in my TWO boys. Trying to enjoy every blessed moment I have with them. Teaching them to be "Good Godly Men". This is a phrase we use a lot in our house.
So here is the silly but interesting part. A thought was triggered by this old song I heard. It was talking about a new version of ourselves.
The thought hit me...
I am currently like the iphone3. You laugh but stick with me...
The iphone3 is pretty amazing. It has a lot of capability but still has some kinks that need to be worked out. So it is upgraded to the iphone4. The iphone4 worked out some of the kinks from 3 and has even more capability. But the people over at apple aren't done working yet. They have a lot more to do and the more they open up the iphone4 the more they see what they will work on next.
I know this probably seems silly to some of you , but this is how my mind works.
God created me. And because He loves me, He still sees the areas of growth in my life. The thing is, I am capable of so much now but I am capable of so much more if I open my self up to my Creator and just let Him show me what it is that He wants to do to make me better.
I never thought I would be in a situation with a birth mom still in the picture. As a matter of fact I was so scared of the idea that we originally told our SW no we would not consider open adoption. That was the iphone3 talking.
Now we have an adorable baby boy in our home and birth mom who I just adore. That's the iphone4. Now I am beginning to wonder what the iphone5 is like?? hmmm.
