2 verses that will provide me comfort for both of my children.

When I was pregnant for Jaxon (like any first time mom) I had fears about delivery. I remember sitting at the end of my dining room table just bawling and searching Gods Word for comfort.

I was blessed to find Isaiah 41:10 and 1 Cor 10:13. These verses where such a source of comfort for me.

What I find interesting is that while I am waiting for our new Baby, God keeps bringing these same verses to mind. These verses that I literally wrote on 3x5 cards so that I could easily grab them while I was in labor are now ingrained into my mind.

So when Satan tries to tempt me to believe the lies....4 YEARS AGO God was preparing my heart and I am prepared to quote verses of truth and SHUT satan UP!!

It's comforting!

OK so .... I wish I had more to update about the Baby. Not much has changed. We are still in need of (we think) about $3,000. Eek I know kinda scary but in just over 6 months we raised almost $22,000. So this last $3,000 "should" be a piece of cake.

I am diligently trying to make plans for another fund raiser and actually have one in mind but finding a time is the issue now.

God is good all the time!! Our little family has grown closer through this whole process and I would not change that for the world. God has opened my eyes to the huge needs here and around the world. He has shown me how selfish I am and how I can live with so much less. He has been teaching me to let go of my pride and trust Him. These are ALL life lessons that I wouldn't want to learn any other way.

I am not sure what your feelings are about adoption but KNOW THIS : God will change your life forever... You will walk away a better person and most importantly a better child of God. You will look at your life and almost laugh at how ridiculously selfish you seemed. I know some of that doesn't sound like any fun... but when you think about the tiny lives God is using you to save... your selfishness seems like a small price to pay.

Anyway these are just my thoughts.

Feel Free To Suggest Anything...

I really don't have too much to say.

I have decided that I am done whining and crying about how things aren't going "MY" way.

I have to laugh even as I type that.

Seriously.... MY WAY... haha! Oh man even now I am giggling as I am writing.

What the crap was I thinking? I say crap because... for real... what kind of crap was in my head that made me think for 1 single second that this was about me?

I am humbled before the God that loves me.

I am humbled because HE chose us for this. I love that!! God placed this on our hearts and I am thankful.

Why would I EVER complain about it.

He brought us to where He wants us.

I am still not certain why.... and maybe I will never know.

I AM SO OK WITH THAT!

God doesn't need my help.

So this is where I am at....

Either we need to be given a van. LOL (I am not hopeful)

OR

We need to keep fundraising. This somewhat excites me.

I have loved organizing and planning events. It has helped me feel like I am actually doing something to bring our Baby home.

So now we are back to getting some ideas together.

ANY IDEAS??

I had a friend suggest an ice cream social...what do you think?

What about an auction?

All hope is NOT lost.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

¹³No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

When God has something to teach me...

It's when I think I have it all together that it seems my world falls apart. Maybe it's my own fault maybe I got proud or arrogant.

Let me back up. We started figuring out how much money we needed towards the adoption and after our tax returns we were SET!! We didn't need any more!!

My heart truly jumped. I felt so blessed and knew that this was just us one step closer to our Baby.

Then.... tuesday morning

It is never good when they have to come take the car out of your driveway. I had to take pictures because Jaxon was in his glory. He thought the big truck was so great. Little did he know it was not a good thing. But in the mind of an almost 4 year old this was pretty cool.

So... wednesday we got a call from the car place and it's the transmission. It has to be replaced.

My heart broke... I knew that we would have to use out tax returns to fix the car... therefore we were taking our very first step back away from our Baby.

Even now I hate it. I am mad and I don't really understand.

I know that we serve a just, amazing God but I DO NOT know what He is doing.

I DO know that God has not left us. I KNOW that His heart is for the fatherless. I know He has brought us to this place and I know that He isn't going to leave us.

My small human mind cannot grasp what is happening.

So here is a broken hearted prayer:

Oh God,

I don't understand. I don't get it!

I really was hoping to have all the money for the adoption.

I am thankful that you haven't left us. I just wish I could better understand what You are doing.

I am fighting the feeling that all hope is lost.

Lord, please come wrap Your strong faithful arms around this little family.

Our hearts are breaking.

Lord, I never wanted to take steps away from our Baby. Please allow me some sort of comfort because I truly don't understand.

Father, please come and show Yourself mighty. Please be our strength.

Lord,

please forgive me for my selfishness. I am so sorry that I thought we had it all together. Thank You for loving me even when I screw things up. Thank You for teaching me to be humble.

I love You!

Hey... Question for you.

When we started this journey I asked God to move in ways I have never seen before.

Little did I know what He was planning.

We still don't have any word on when our Baby will be here but we are taking comfort in the fact that God has us on this journey for big BIG reasons.

God is moving in my heart towards adoption and orphans in ways I never even imagined. I knew that the subtle tug was Him but I didn't realize the tug would quickly become a pull. Now I really believe that God is changing how I look at my life and lifestyle.

There are so many things we have just come to assume that we NEED. The word definition of the word Need has changed so much for me.

I need my Savior.

I need water.

After that, here is my question....

What else in life do we really NEED?

So be honest what do you think.... No judgement; just healthy discussion.

It's not about me getting my way.

This morning I have decided that I am going to stop having this waiting...waiting... waiting attitude.

I am still waiting for God to show us His plan but I am done having a bad attitude about it. For too long it has been me waiting because I want something. I am not taking this journey for myself so why am I having a pity party while I am waiting?

I am going to breathe in deep all of these moments. I am going to enjoy this ride.

I am going to keep trusting God. He knows me so well. He knows what my heart longs for and me pouting about it isn't going to change anything.

HMMMM..... thats an interesting thought.... When Jaxon pouts I can't reward his bad behavior... YIKES!!! I hate it when I realize that I have been acting like my 3 year old and my Heavenly Father has to teach me that it's not about me getting my way.

Ouch that hurts a little.

Ok thoughts to ponder on today.