When God is ready~

Do you think it's crazy that I think our Baby will be here soon?

I really don't want to get my hopes up but in a way I do want to get my hopes up.

I placed all my hopes and dreams in the Hands of my Savior. He can do this.

He could do it today if He wanted.

So the question is:

If I get my hopes up, am I showing God I trust Him?

Or

Am I just setting myself up for hurt when He is trying to teach me patience.

EEEKKKK!!!

Really God.....patience!! Is that really what you want to do?

UGH!!

You know You've tried to teach me this before and it never really sticks!

Ok OK so this time You are gonna make it stick.

Thats kinda scary.

What Difference Does It Make?

We went to the Holiday Getaway. Here are some thoughts:

Secretly, I really want a larger house and more things to make my house more inviting. I want the right kind of decorations and candles to make my home look lovely. BUT more than anything else I want to serve the Lord.

So I don't mind my smaller house. I don't mind not having exactly what I want . I don't mind getting hand me down clothes. I don't mind shopping at the Salvation Army. I really don't mind that we have never had brand new furniture.

I don't mind all of that because we are in ministry.

I love that we are scraping to get by because we want to serve God by adopting a child.

It is hard sometimes because there are certainly things I WANT.

But at the end of my life when I am laying on my death bed I can't take my dream house or my dream car. I absolutely can make a difference in this world for the cause of Christ.

When I was 16 at Camp BaYouCa GOD called me into full time ministry and I promised Him my life.

In the last few years God has been preparing my heart and moving in my life.

He has tested me in whether I would give up everything for Him. One situation I remember very clearly. A situation had happened and I really had NO CLUE what I was getting myself into. So crying, I kissed my little boy goodbye, really not sure if I would see him again. I was scared but, as I left, confidence flooded my soul, because I was certain I was obeying the God of the Universe.

So I don't need toys, I don't need the "perfect" house and as hard as this is to say; I don't need my babies. I need the grace of Jesus Christ and I am committed to serving Him.

So even though we still need $10,000 for this adoption and I truly don't know how we are going to make it happen. I promised my WHOLE life to the God of the Universe. So it doesn't make a difference if I have all the fun things or things I think I need..... All that matters is that I am

part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

Servants Creed...We are the fellowship of the unashamed.

We cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back; deluded, or delayed. We will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, and meander in the maze of mediocrity. We won't give up, shut up, let up. Until we're stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. We are Servants for Christ! We must go until he comes, give until we drop, Preach until all know, and work until He stops us. When He comes for His own, He won't have any problem recognizing us. Our colors will be clear!

Wait

I really have been struggling to blog lately. Mostly because we are kinda at a standstill as far as adoption stuff. I say "standstill" its not really...God is moving in hearts and perfectly choosing the Baby for us. So really we are doing anything but "standing still"!

BUT... we are waiting. It's only been a week. I promised myself that I wasn't going to stress myself out waiting. That when God was ready for us to have a Baby it would happen.

MOMS: Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up in the night and HAVE to check and make sure that the kids are ok?

I have that feeling every night. I get up and look at Jaxon and kiss his little head. As I head back to my bed my heart breaks because I KNOW that I have another child out there. A child that I am supposed to be kissing goodnight. A child that I should be checking on. A child that needs to be cuddled and tucked in. And there is literally nothing physically I can do. So I lay in bed and pray myself back to sleep. I pray that God protects our Baby. I pray that He keeps the Birth Mother safe and healthy. I pray that He gives me peace.

God is moving and I don't doubt Him or His timing but I really want to hold our Baby.

We mailed out our profile books.

They were sent all over NY and NJ!

Now we wait!

HELP HELP HELP!!!

HELP!!!!!!!

We are planning another fund raiser. Mostly because if we can't figure this tax credit thing out we will still need $10,000. Which at first seemed like a lot but God has proved EVERYTHING so far so I am not questioning Him.

Here is where I need help, we need ideas!!

I thought about a spaghetti dinner but I would have to rent the hall and buy all the supplies. Then we would have to charge a lot to make anything from it. SO.........

HELP!!!!

Any creative ideas?

I am up for anything!

I was thinking we would plan it for late January or February.

So all I am asking for is ideas.... Lots and lots of ideas!

Plus we still have shirts to sell!

History Maker

I don't have a lot to say and this song won't mean that much to some of you.

You know who you are.

Remember...

Where have I been????

Ok I know I know its been a while! I have written and deleted a few blogs because what I had to say just didn't seem to come out right. Even now I am sitting here trying to force out a blog because I have something very important to say!

I have frustration and reservations and HUGE, HUGE fears! God has proven himself over and over but still I sit here scared out of my mind of where He is taking us.

So here it is:

WE ARE APPROVED!!!!

We just got word from our social worker tonight!!

So our profiles go out tomorrow and at this point we just wait!

UGH!!!

Here is the other thing.

We filled out the form tonight!

The form that says what "type" of child we would take.

Things like:

Sex

Race

Multiple Births (twins)

Mental Health Issues

Medical Health Issues

Birthparent Mental Health Issues

Birthparent Medical Health Issues

That isn't too scary to me. I truly believe that God has laid adoption on our hearts. I know this is EXACTLY what we should be doing. So, it doesn't matter what is "wrong" with this child because God calls us to love the fatherless and that is what we are going to do.

BUT ~ this is one of those situations that Satan is using to get me to rethink what we are doing. To be clear I am not changing my mind. It's just that Satan sees this area in my life and he is feeding me lies. Lies like I could never raise a special needs child. Lies like I am never going to be able to sleep a full night again. Lies like I am not good enough for this. I know the truth!

God just did something so huge (the approval) and Satan hates that and therefore he is messing with my head! UGH!!!

Anyway~ BASICALLY from this point on we just wait!! And pray hard we get the $$$ we need!! God is Good!!

It's out loud thats for sure!!!

I am not kidding!! The "Living Out Loud" side of me that is bursting to get out is sometimes

silenced by my fear of people. BUT NOT ANYMORE!!! The reality is that I need to lose some weight(yes I know I should be happy for what I have done already). I am so close. I can't give up here.

I think my problem is that I don't have accountability. I have a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and at one point I thought he could do it (those of you with husbands are going "oh No no no". Yeah, I figured out pretty quickly that it can't be him. Otherwise, every few days I will be in tears thinking that he isn't attracted to me. Oh haha poor guy! I love him dearly and would rather not punish him (or myself) like that.

So what do you think?

I am looking for creative ideas for workout, diet, accountability or anything you think might help.

I am quite serious at this point. I only have 18 pounds to go. That will put me under 200 which I haven't been since 7th grade. 30 pounds would put me at my "ideal" weight.

I can do this..... I just need to admit that I need some help.

So........HELP!!!!!!!! Please.

EEEKKK!!!!

OK so I don't know where to start............EEEEEEKKKKK!!! God has blessed us!!

Ok so I updated you on the $1,000 and the $2,500 and since then we have been given

$50

$20

$25

$4,000

So now we have what we need for the profile and a lot towards our placement cost!!

If we get the tax credit we won't need any more funds. BUT this is what we need prayer for now.... THE TAX CREDIT.

The issue that we are trying to find out about is since we didn't "earn" this money then technically we can not claim it for a federal tax credit. SOOOO........... anyone; if you have any insight or wisdom on such topics please feel free to send it our way.

So far God has provided EVERY SINGLE ONE of our needs so I am not doubting Him now!!!

Read the note under the video!! God Rocked our world today!!!

I started to write a blog this morning about my heart and how I "feel" but I gave up after Dave sat next to me and we started looking through the adoption check book. We need $5,000 to be able to turn in our profile. If you keep up with my blog you know that I have been really nervous about where this $$ would come from.

Today we updated the check book and we have $4,377.23!!!!!!!!!!

That is INCREDIBLE!!!!

God has provided!!

I am not going to lie, I didn't know how this was going to work.

I wasn't sure how we would come up with $5,000 but here we are about a month away from being approved and we are sooooooo close!!! Oh I can't explain the peace!!

Ok so on that note we figured out about how much more we will need and I was getting a little concerned BUT after figuring things out it's only about $7,000. Which seems so so so do-able!!

My theme song for all this has been "Lord move, or move me" by FFH.

This is my prayer and this song reminds me to be on my knees!

Lord,

Move in a way that I have never seen before and if that's not what You have for me then move me out of Your way. Bring me to wherever You want me. Pick me up and hold me close and place me exactly where You need me to be. Lord, You know my heart and You know how much I want to hold, cuddle, kiss and breath in deep our Baby but I trust YOU. I know that You are not going to leave us or our Baby. I am taking comfort in You. Lord, Thank You for providing for us. Thank You for moving in people's hearts and allowing them to give. These people are a HUGE blessing. Lord, I love that You are moving in ways I never expected. I love how You have changed our hearts and how You are moving in

our family. THANK YOU. Lord, please remind me of Your peace when I am scared. Please comfort me when things don't go exactly the way I have planned. Lord, we love You and we are so thankful for all the ways You have blessed us. Amen.

OK so I wrote all that this morning and since then a very sweet dear friend has now written us a check for $2,500!!!!!

So:

Lord,

You have moved in ways I never expected!! You have humbled me and I am so thankful to be Your child. Thank You for loving us!! Amen!!

To Whom It May Concern...

I am humbled... So very humbled. God has blessed us so much and taught me so very much through out all of this adoption stuff. So I want to share another blessing.

Yesterday at church I shared with my ladies sunday school class how much God was really moving as far as the $$ we need for the adoption. We had over half of what we needed to turn in our profile and that was because of some very generous gifts from our church family and some dear dear friends. So, after church we went to take some teens home. After we dropped them off I had gotten a call from my mom. Meanwhile Dave was opening an envelope that the church treasurer had handed him simply saying "this was in the offering". The envelope was a plan normal size envelope that said "Pastor Dave". Dave saw that there was cash inside but couldn't tell how much because he was driving. So he urged me to get off the phone. I said goodbye to Mom and he handed me the envelope. Inside was 10...$100 bills. My mouth dropped open! I searched for a note or something that would let me know who had sent us such a HUGE blessing but there was nothing. I have no idea who to thank and I so desperately want to thank them. I want them to know that they have impacted our lives. I want them to know that God used them to bring our Baby closer to home. I want them to know that I am so grateful because this Mother's heart is crying out for her baby and I am so thankful. So to you dear friend if you are reading this:

I don't have the words to say. To be honest I am numb. All I can say is THANK YOU. Thank You for loving us in this way. Thank you for the sacrifice you made and thank you for blessing us. You have impacted our lives and you will not be forgotten. Thank You.

On that Thank You note I was taken to my knees at how truly blessed we are and I want to be very clear that I am so so thankful to the God of the Universe for loving us and for loving Our Baby.

Thank You.

This month is National Adoption Month so I have been trying my hardest just to get the word out there. Truthfully, because last year I didn't know how huge the need was. This year I do and I thought maybe others just didn't know. BUT its amazing to me how God really doesn't need my help at all!

When He wants to move in someone's heart He is going to do it! So I got up this morning and had an email from someone I love very very much and this is what she said:

Have you watched Anne of Green Gables lately? Didn't think much of it. Just folding my laundry and watching. Within five min. someone is telling her that she is good for nothing trash and kicking her out the door. My daughter says "Mommy why did she call her trash?". Then later Matthew says "Lucky for us that she came" and Marilla says "No, it was providence. He knew we needed her" Can I just tell you I cried and a lot more then I normally cry at that movie. I don't think I will ever watch it the same way after being aware of of how many unwanted children there are and what they go through.

Isn't that awesome! God didn't need me... He used "Anne of Green Gables"!

But this leads me to my next thought. It is amazing how many lives are touched by adoption, foster care or orphans! I was amazed to find how many people I know who where adopted, have adopted or that are very supportive to the cause of impacting orphans with the love of Jesus Christ.

So here is what I am thinking... We should really just talk about it more! It has changed so many lives and the stories are so so moving!!

National Adoption Month

I was laying in bed and had to get these thoughts down before I forgot them... It is National Adoption Month!! November 7th is Orphan Sunday... so I started thinking what would I say given the opportunity and here it is...

How many of you have been adopted or have adopted or are in the process of adopting?

To which I know my Dad would stand up. My Dad's story is incredible!

Then I would say I have never ever known what it feels like to be fatherless. From the very first seconds I was alive my Daddy loved me! My Dad wanted me! When I was 7 or 8 I asked my Heavenly Father to take control of my life and I became an heir to the King. Children all over the world live with the feeling of being not wanted. They are literally fatherless. They can't understand the human loving father because they have never known it and they truly don't understand the role of the Heavenly Father because they have never been told it.

Sometimes I get the feeling that people wonder why we are adopting. Let me clear it up for you, we are adopting because the fatherless need to be shown what real love is, we are doing this because most importantly they need to know that the God of the Universe loves them and wants to heal their hurts. We are doing this because you can't mistake God's Word when it says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

And finally, we are doing this because we want to impact lives for Jesus Christ. The simple truth is that with the love of God there are No orphans. But they need to know about His love and I am very desperate to be used by Him to impact lives.

This isn't a guilt trip! I truly believe you need to come to this place in God's timing and in His way. All I am saying is that last year I didn't even know there was a "National Adoption Month" or "Orphan Sunday" and this year I am going to do whatever I can to help make a difference.

This video is for anyone considering adoption but this is a whole hearted prayer for our friends that are trying to bring their baby Jamesy home from Ethiopia. Jim and Tiff we love you and are praying that Jamesy is home soon.

When the "PLAN" changes.

This morning I was reading my e-mails and found out that I will NOT be involved in the Craft Fair on Nov. 20th ( I believe it's a space issue). I am not going to lie; I am a little disappointed. Sweet Erin Youmans and I worked really hard at making cards and twigs stars PLUS some incredible people have offered to donate some items and now we are just kinda stuck. I am going to talk to my Dad about having a table set up at the store some Saturday, but the truth is that probably won't bring the same amount of traffic. SO.... the "PLAN" has changed. I have that in quotes because it's MY "PLAN". My Plan has changed but God's plan has not. All along He knew where I would be and what I would be doing. I can take comfort in the fact that His PLAN is SO SO SO much better. I am ok with it but kinda disappointed. I am totally trusting Him but the human(sin) side of me is a little discouraged. Although as I sit here and think about it more, I am not sure why because we had a GREAT weekend. Things went so well. Even with pipes breaking and roofs leaking the homestudy was amazing. We received a very generous gift from our church family that brought us up to half of what we need for the profile expense. So I really need to stop whining and complaining because God has given us exactly what we need when we need it.

OK so I am done!

I am going to leave you with this video of Jaxon showing the SW everything in his toy box.

He told her all about the toys he had and talked about sharing. Later at lunch he prayed for our new baby "that it would grow strong and healthy". The SW nearly cried.

GOD is so good to us!

So I have never added video before... if this doesn't work for some reason... I am so sorry.

PHEWW... IT'S OVER!

So at 10:15 I was like Oh My Word she isn't here... she forgot...she is lost...she is sick. UGH! But shortly after 10:30 she came PHEWW!! From that moment on it was GREAT!! It went awesome! Jaxon did great and it was perfect!

Thanks for all the prayers!

So now we are on to the next level!

That means we just wait to be approved.

After we are approved that is when we will need the $$BIG MONEY$$

After that we just wait! Eek!!

So keep PRAYING!!

Hope Now.

I will end up posting tomorrow after the homestudy but I need to get a few things off my chest. I am a little nervous about the homestudy. I mean, who wouldn't be if someone was coming to look at your home...BUT... I am more upset about the feelings I have about satan's lies. I really truly "feel" like he wants me to believe that I am a failure, that I have already failed and there is no purpose in even trying to adopt this baby. UGH now the God who loves me and cares so much about adoption is saying "Jeanne would you just listen to me and remember the truth". The truth is that we have moved along in this process so fast... the truth is God has provided everything we needed... the truth is HE knows our Baby Blessing... and the truth is HE knows me and loves me the same.

So I am calling on Him. Those of you who know me well or follow my blog at all, you know that I love music and God often uses it to remind me to call on Him. So this song is what I will be singing all day today as I prepare to let God wow us tomorrow.

Process and Prayer.

Well for those of you who aren't sure how this process of adopting in the U.S. works, I will gladly walk you through it. Please understand all the $ amounts are based on our agency.

Step 1: Find an Adoption Agency.($50)

This is actually a little tricky. Some agencies only work in certain states or have qualifications for who can and cannot adopt. Living in New York makes it much harder. If you are interested, Bethany Christian Services is amazing. ( http://www.bethany.org/ )

Step 2: Meeting with the Agency ($450)

3 meetings usually. 1 to just go over paper work

2 for beginning interviews

3 for personal interviews

Step 3: Homestudy ($1,300)

This is when the social worker comes to your home to sorta "inspect" and make sure everything is safe and that there is adequate space for an additional child.

Step 4: Create and turn in your profile ($5,000) {this is where we are at}

You create a book for the birth mom and family to look at. This helps her to make a more informed decision.

Step 5: Wait.....

You wait until the birth mom has made a decision on who she would like to place her baby with.

Step 6: YOU GET PICKED!! ($16,000-$20,000)

Sometimes this happens early on and you have a little time to prepare. Sometimes you find out when the birth mom is already at the hospital.

Step 7: You bring your baby home!! Woot woot!!

You hug, cuddle and enjoy the tiny bundle of joy that God has blessed you with.

Step 8: You get a lawyer and go to court.

This is when they give you a legal birth certificate.

And you take a deep breath. LOL!

I am telling you all this for a few reasons.

1.People have been asking us a lot about the process so I thought I would lay it all out there.

2. I just wanted everyone to have a real idea of where we are at.

Our SW comes in a few weeks to finish our homestudy and PRAISE JEHOVAH JIREH we have that money.

BUT in order to turn in our profile we need $5,000 and I have no idea where that money is coming from. I am not going to lie... I am scared. I totally trust in God but it is hard to look blindly at a situation and have NO CLUE what God is going to do.

So we are going to do a Craft Fair where I will be selling t-shirts and homemade cards.

So I am forced to my knees again.

Please understand that this is just a genuine prayer:

Dear God,

You know my heart.... You know that my desire is to obey You.... I am scared. I am not sure why you would bring us this far to leave us hanging; that just doesn't seem like You.... Satan has a tiny tug on my heart and I am struggling not to believe him.... God, I don't know what You are planning but I trust You... I know that quite possibly You are forming our baby inside its birthmother right now... That thought brings peace to my soul... You haven't failed us and You cannot be mocked so I know you are bringing all this together for Your glory... I just want You to know the desire of my heart... and that is simply to bring this baby home to a family that loves it... Thank You Father for being the Peace and Strength I need... please forgive me for when I doubt how Awesome you are...Amen.

Last Trip to Rochester!!

It is so hard to believe but today we went to Rochester for the last of our interview "stuff". The next time we see our SW Becky she will be joining us in our home. I am very excited.

Today went GREAT!! I am not going to lie I was soooo nervous! Satan had me convinced that she was going to do my personal interview and hate me. So not true!! It was so great! Before I knew it, 45 minutes had passed and the meeting was over. Then Dave walked in and 20 minutes later walked out like it was no big deal. LOL She asked the same exact questions~ My answers were just longer apparently. So now she comes here to complete our home study. Shortly after that is complete and we are approved (early Dec.), we will have to turn in our profile and pay $5,000!!

So far everything we have needed we have had so I am not doubting God! BUT I am trying to think of a fund raising idea between now and December. So if you have any ideas please feel free to send them my way!

TeeHee!!

So here is a GREAT video!! Listen to the words. I know we are not adopting over seas but the truth still remains that we are supposed to look after the orphans and widows. God's love knows no borders it can not be held back by oceans, seas or even state lines!!

Ministry...

There is a presupposition that Pastors Wives MUST have it all together. It's just not true. We hurt, we get tired, we have days when we just aren't sure we can take it anymore. In an attempt to "Live Out Loud" I am going to be honest... there are sundays when I don't want to go to church.....EEK I know that's a big deal right? The youth pastor's wife doesn't want to go to church....HERES THE TRUTH... Sometimes Satan is fighting for my heart just like he fights for anyone's. Some sunday mornings he wants me to believe that I can't make a difference...he wants me to believe I have failed and it's not worth it. And honestly some days it's easier to believe that LIE. The good news is I am an expressive personality so I don't stay there long. I drag myself out of bed and walk into the church where I was raised and look into the faces of people who I know are hurting and remember exactly why I am doing this....I am doing this because GOD loves those who are hurting. HE wants them to run to HIM and I know what that feels like. I know how it feels to feel alone, hurt, angry, desperate and I KNOW that amazing peace that comes with holding everything I am to the sky and begging the God of the Universe to take it. So THAT is why I am in ministry. Because ministry is living your life out loud EVERY SINGLE DAY. I do this because the God who loves me calls me to be different, look different, act different.... walk away from the crowd and do it DIFFERENT and I love Him so I will.
This all stems from a great weekend I had away just to kinda think. To think about my life, my purpose and my role. My life is to bring honor and glory to the God who created me, my only purpose is to glorify Him with everything I do and my role is to be the best wife I can be to my husband and to raise my kiddos with a love, hunger and passion for the God we serve.

BLESSINGS INDEED!!

So if you read this blog at all you know what we are up to. Well the weekend of the Tastefully Simple Party we received gifts that allowed us to pay for our next level payment to Bethany Christian Services (BCS). This was a huge blessing this meant that we didn't have to use our saving yet. Well we have continued fund raising.... and after todays BBQ/Raffle/T-shirt sale we made almost exactly what we need to complete our home study. HUGE HUGE blessing!! We were able to use what we had in savings to buy what was needed as far as supplies so again HUGE blessing!! 1 more HUGE blessing. I was confused about the payment schedule. I thought we would have to pay the $5,000 for the profile in early November BUT we don't! Its not actually due until early December. That may not seem like a blessing to some but its HUGE in our book. That means we will have 1 whole extra month to gather funds. So far we have been VERY VERY blessed and I am trusting that God will provide the rest.

So here is the prayer... That God would continue to bless this situation... and that we would have the $5,000 by early December.

Sadly in all the craziness I totally forgot to get a picture of the days events! Sorry! Just ~imagine~ a good turn out! lol Oh and we sold out of chicken in about an hour!! Woot woot!!

Walking on Water

So we have all heard "if you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat" BUT my thought is that it comes one step before that. Walking on water THAT is a miracle! Just SEEING a miracle would be enough to inspire people to make a difference. Sadly, I think we just sit on the beach and forget that God is out there doing miracles. So my challenge is this ... GET OFF THE SHORE!! Climb into a boat and go see what is happening! People's lives are being changed by the God of the Universe and you could be apart of it~ Just a thought!!

From here....

We are done with our physicals and although a few conversations have come up about my RA, it looks like we will be moving forward. We finished all our background check paper work and will be mailing that in soon. Dave and I both wrote our autobiography, which was actually kinda fun. We had our fingerprinting done. So we have gone down the check list and our social worker(SW) is pleased at how fast we are moving things along. So Oct 14th we head back to Rochester for another long meeting, where Dave and I will be interviewed on our own (kinda nervous)! Then early Nov. our SW will come here to interview Jaxon and Bethany. At which time we will have to give her a check for $1,300. Praise the Heavens we have that money. The next step is turning in our profile and in order to do that we have to give them $5, 000 and thats money we don't have. So I am on my knees! We are selling shirts doing a BBQ and thinking of every possible option but this week on the phone with the SW (who I love) she very kindly told me that her boss was looking over our paper work and noticed that we don't have the money to do the placement fee (when we get the baby $13,000). She told me that if it was her call that she would just give us a baby but thats not how the system works and that they will need to know where exactly the money is coming from. I called Dave crying because the truth is I don't really know......... God I guess would be the right answer. I just can't stand the idea that a birthmother could pick us but if we don't have the $$$ then we can't have that baby. There is something SO SO SO wrong with that. UGH! Anyway so again I am going to call on the God of the Universe who knows me by name.... who knows this baby by name.... and I am going to plead with Him that He would soften the hearts of people so that they would know how much HE loves the fatherless, so that they would understand that this is not about us anymore....this isn't about the fun of a new baby... This is our family being obedient to the God who loves us.

T-Shirts!

God has truly blessed us! We got an amazing deal on shirts and now we are so excited to raise the funds we need to get our baby!

Not Sure What To Do?

I got some discouraging news yesterday and I am really struggling with it. I feel a little confused at Gods planning and I don't really understand what He is doing. So I have written about 3 blog posts this morning and I just can't seem to find the words.

So I am gonna pray. I am going to spend some time this morning just holding my little boy (that won't last long b/c he has things to do you know) and praying. Praying to the God of the Universe who loves me ....who Thankfully doesn't just love me. That even right now He knows and loves the babies that are being formed inside their mothers. That He loves their mothers. He loves the woman who is struggling with what to do.... So I was a little mad but now I am remembering that the God who loves me and who is clearly guiding me.....also loves her and HE is fighting for a place in her life. So I am on His team and I am going to fight right along side Him because HE is Alpha Omega Beginning and End, He is JEHOVAH-JIREH our provider , He is EMMANUEL God with us, He is ADONAI and I trust Him!

Keep Changing The World (With Lyrics) - MIKESCHAIR Feat. Lecrae

I want to tell you all about yesterday but I need to start with Friday. So Friday I had a Tastefully Simple Party. The lady who I was working with is amazing and she teamed up with me to do this party as a fund raiser (something she did not HAVE to do). So that night I had a few ladies come to me and just hand me some money. Super sweet and something that they didn't have to do at all. Saturday 2 separate ladies came to me and gave me checks. AGAIN something that they did not have to do. Well, between the gifts given Friday and Saturday we were given almost exactly what we had to give at the meeting on Monday.

HUGE HUGE Blessing!!

After meeting with our social worker I have so much peace about what we are doing. I had talked to her on the phone but there is just something about meeting face to face. She is great and I have NO DOUBT that she was hand picked to work with us. She is funny and quirky and gets us( even me ). She sees our heart and our passion and honestly we see hers.

So walking in I was scared but after a few minutes I realized that it was going to be just fine. 4 HOURS later we walked out of her office. It was a long meeting but so great. She answered a lot of our questions. Basically the first 3 hours were just information. The last hour was her interviewing us as a couple, which was great. We got to share how we met and how we have grown as a couple. So all in all; great trip!

NOW we have a huge stack of papers and some appointments. We have another meeting with her mid October and then the next meeting she will come here. After that we submit our profile and WAIT!! EEEKKK!!!

So keep praying we are moving forward!! The next few steps are a little tricky and we are looking seriously at $$ needs. We designed our t-shirts and a great friend hooked us up with a sweet action deal. SO they will be $10 each. I will post a sample soon. If you are interested just post a comment and let me know what sizes you would like. Also we are planning a chicken BBQ for Oct. 9th. We are going to pre-sell tickets so again if you are interested let us know. Or just come out and see us at Bill Anderson's Farm Market.

Basically we need $5, 000 by the beginning of November and TRUTHFULLY I have no clue how its going to happen but we still believe in the God of the Universe Whose heart is for the orphans and so I KNOW He is faithful and will move when and where He wants.

Ok so I want to leave you with this. Its a great song and I just want to pass it along!

Lyrics:
Something here is wrong
There are children without homes
But we just move along to take care of our own
There's so much suffering just outside our door
A cry so deafening
We just can't ignore

To all the people who are fighting for the broken
All the people who keep holding on to love
All the people who are reaching for the lonely
Keep changing the world

Take a look around
Before the sun goes out
What's lost can still be found
It's not too late now
It only takes one spark to make the fire burn
So reach inside your heart and let this be the start

Chorus

I know you see the suffering
How they gone recover when people just look over like they don't even notice them
Everyone whose focusing on ending all this hopelessness
You can change the world by changing who the world is hoping in

I see the sun coming up
It's a brighter day
Let's show the world that love is a better way
So lend a hand join the fight
'Cause time is ticking away
Keep changing the world

I see you changing the world
Step up!

Peace

For some reason for the last few days I have been fighting a battle in my mind. I have this fear that people don't like me or aren't pleased with me. Its not how I usually feel but the last few months I feel like I keep coming back to this place. The fear of man is sin and I KNOW that I need to get it under control. So I woke up this morning and thought about Philippians 4:8-9

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I repeat this verse a lot when I am feeling overwhelmed or when I want to buy into Satan's lies. But for some reason I never noticed or just never put much thought into the last part of verse 9 "And the God of peace will be with you."

He promises to bring peace..... wow I really needed to hear Him say that.

Quick update on the Adoption Stuff... We have a social worker and set up our first meeting. We will have one more meeting after that and then our home study. Now it is mostly about gathering the funds. BUT I am not going to buy into the lie that "we can't do this". God has brought us here and He isn't gonna leave us now.

This might not be your style of music but this is my "fire me up" song!! "I'm callin on my savior to be all that I need Please forgive me my behavior had me lost at light speed"

A Few Things...

My Ideas and Thoughts on organizing have changed A LOT! I am committed to bringing Diet, Exercise and Order to our Home! Ugh! Its a ton of hard work getting things figured out but now that they are ......... I feel like I can breath. We have a system and some sense to all that we do. I love the summer weather but I hate the unorganized crazy life style. BUT FALL ohhh fall how I miss thee!! I love cool days and pumpkins! Baking and cinnamon smells. Apples from the Market and playing in the leaves....... THESE are a few of my favorite things!! (LOL I SANG THAT)

I love that when fall comes the house gets organized and we have a plan. Life moves a lot easier. I have also been working into our Fall/Winter schedule another child and that has been a lot of fun.

Our walmart is going to be closing soon to get ready for the SUPER WALMART..... SO a ton of stuff is on sale. I bought a bunch of outfits for only $1 each. That was exciting!! A few of my friends/ family are prego so I bought a few extra to give as gifts. It was just so much fun to get a few things and imagine a new baby in our house and arms.

I had a phone call from the Agency this week and it was mostly good news. The lowest cost is $20,000 but God is good and I know HE will provide. So we are officially on to the next step. EEEEKKK!!!!

WOOT WOOT!!!

We are getting started!! Finally!!! We found our agency and we are moving forward! Bethany Christian Services. We had looked at them once before but I was confused about their process and for some reason I thought we could not work with them but I was wrong!! So today we mailed out our pre-application and now we just wait to hear back from them!!

Now we are dreaming about fund-raising ideas!! Got any good ideas? PLEASE SHARE!!

God is Good ..... All the TIME!!

What Am I Gonna Do About It?

Ok so this is my frustration... We say we are "christians" But what are we doing about it? We say we believe in being grace filled and loving but what does that look like? This idea goes outside our church walls. Did you know that there are starving people in our country? Ok how about county? Even better our town? Yup even in Cortland!

The average is 220 per year. As of April 2002, the number of individuals for the year is 104, which includes 62 adults and 42 children.

That was 2002! So lets just say that those numbers are still legit.... 42 children have no place to sleep 42!! What are we doing about it?

We have been in ministry about 6 1/2 years and I am constantly amazed at how God works in my heart. Dave and I are serious about adopting because God is serious about adopting. We are serious about loving the unloveable because Jesus loves the unloveable.

This is my challenge pick 3 people that you know are unsaved and do something about it! It might be a little awkward but think about them in hell for eternity. How bad do you have to hate them to have them spend eternity in hell? You don't!! These are people you love..... so.... LOVE THEM!!

My other challenge is this..... Orphans.... Widows.... Homeless People.... they are real and they are out there. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! They are real people bound for a godless eternity and you have the truth they need. Be a "christian"(which literally means little christ) and share the love of God with them. I am not saying you have to adopt but you can help someone who is......I am not saying you have to bring a widow into your home but have a cup of coffee with her...... I am not saying you have to give all your money to the homeless but give them a sandwich! These are not hard things to do and its NOTHING compared to what Jesus did on the CROSS for YOU!!

Nothing back - According to John

So tonight I have just been HIT( I feel like literally) with the truth that we are in a spiritual battle for lost souls. I mean sometimes I feel like I am actually FIGHTING for the souls of people I love. This all started from youth ministry but has grown from all the adoption stuff. The honest truth is I started to doubt if adopting was right for us BUT I came to see that I am fighting a spiritual battle for the life of our baby too. WOW when you think of it that way it changes everything.... at least for me.

I shared a verse with a friend today and the words just rang so true in my own life and heart.

Isaiah 41:10 says

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The King is still on the throne and still in control. I am just learning again how to lay everything into His hands whether its the kids in our youth ministry or our precious baby.

Where to go from here...

So God has been moving in our hearts!! We still really want to adopt but on vacation really took the time as a family to look into our hearts and decide if our motives are right. I REALLY believe they are. We have been called to adopt and so we are still moving in that direction BUT ugh!! Its seems as if finding an agency should be easy BUT umm its not~ We are still looking.

We are still waiting to see where God will take us on this journey.

We still trust HIM!!

Just a few vacation pics!!

Am I doing my part?

OK so for the last few days I have been really thinking and praying over the direction God would take us. I really would love to have another child in our home. I would LOVE to have someone for Jaxon to play with. I mostly just want to be obedient to God and follow where I believe at this point He is leading our family.

James 1:27 says to look after the orphans and widows. So my question is what am I doing for the widows. My husband explained to me that a widow in the Bible was any woman over a certain age who has NO family. I understand that BUT there are widows in my church. Older women who have lost their husband. If you sit and talk with them for any length of time you will see that they are lonely. They want to talk to someone. So am I doing my part there?

My other thought is..... at this point we really feel God is calling us to adoption. We are making steps in that direction. The last few days I have not been able to stop thinking about WHY.

I think I lost site of the ministry and realized I have EVERYTHING that I need and was making this adoption way to much about me. When that thought clicked in my mind my heart changed. So WE want to adopt but what exactly does God want? I WHOLE HUGE HEARTEDLY believe that Gods heart is with the orphans and widows BUT what if someone couldn't adopt?

The truth of James 1:27 is still very real. So how does one obey Gods Word if adoption isn't really an option for them?

These are thoughts I am still processing and I hope to post later with the results but please share your thoughts too!

Set Back #1

All I can say is UGH!!! UGH!!! UGH!!

I knew set backs would come and I even knew that this journey was not going to be easy. I still truly, completely trust the God of the Universe but we are not sure where to go from here.

So New Hope Family Services is a GREAT organization but quite a bit smaller than we originally expected. So they on average only place 6-8 babies a year. Thats not so bad but between their waiting list and New York State regulations it will be 4 YEARS before they put a baby in our arms. UGH!!! I am not giving up and I still believe that God calls us to look after the orphans so I know we are headed in the right direction but I am a little frustrated to say the least. I am not asking for a baby tomorrow and I am not even asking for one in a year but 4 years really?

Please don't get me wrong these people are amazing. God is really working at New Hope but they can only handle so much.

My heart is in the states. I KNOW that kids are starving and need love, family and a home......I am just not sure why our government makes it so difficult to give that to them.

So all that to say I am not sure where God is taking us I just know we are along for the ride.

PLEASE PRAY as we seek God for wisdom and honestly strength.

Getting Organized!

PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!! God is really moving and some awesome things are coming together. We are still praying about the LARGE (eek!! fingers crossed) Fundraising event and it seems that God is taking it in a new direction. A very exciting one but we still have A LOT of details to be worked out. So..... all that to say I am already trying to get organized for the fall. I just finished my September meal calendar and that helped a lot. Now its onto organizing meetings, appointments, parties and much much more!

give up or give all??

Oh I am not even sure where to start with my thoughts. God is so good and we trust Him. I know that everything will be fine with this meeting on thursday but I kinda feel like I am just waiting for the bomb to drop if that makes sense. Things have been going so well so far and I feel like I should expect something bad to happen. UGH where is my faith?? The God who loves me has been blessing me and blessing me and I am just waiting on Him to not bless me. Who does that? Me apparently!
I know that God is so good and I KNOW that HE will work everything out but I need to stop listening to the lies in my head and start believing the truth. The truth is I am a child of the King called by Him to pursue His purpose by influencing the lives of people for HIS glory not mine. I am only what I am and where I am because HE has brought me to this place. I can be the person who gives up or I can be the person who gives all! I am giving ALL.

Update!

Well next thursday we will head to Syracuse for our first meeting. Things are just becoming so real. Dave and I (along with a few friends and family) have been really praying over a huge fund raising activity. It would be a huge under taking but we may be able to raise almost everything that we need in just one event. God is guiding and directing and we are just along for the ride~

We opened an account just to put money in for the Baby! So now we are on a mission to get this money raised. My Mom and Older Sister are having a garage sale so we started pulling things out that we can put in the sale and get a little bit of $ that way. My sweet big brother has been collecting comic books for at least 15 years and told me this morning that he wants to sell ALL of them (3,500) and give a large portion of the proceeds to us for the adoption. I nearly cried!

This is the kicker.... last night I sat on the deck talking with my Dad. Some of you may or may not know this but my Dad was adopted. After talking for a few minutes we were both in tears and realized that God used my Dads situation to allow us to have open hearts for those in need. The God of the Universe placed my Dad into a family so that he could raise me and now I am going to do the same. It was awesome!! Lots of tears but so great to see how God works things together even 51 years ago when my Dad was placed into his Moms arms.

GOD is so good to us.

OK so I love this man!! He is so amazing and so perfect for me!

He knows what I need and listens when I just need to let off some steam!

He is passionate and loving! He is right beside me with all this adoption "stuff"!

He is willing to make some pretty huge sacrifices to bring our Baby home and that just makes me love him more!!

Getting Started!

God has really shown us the direction we should go as far as adoption. We have always felt that we should adopt in the States and have found the agency that we are going to use. New Hope Family Services in Syracuse. ALL that to say the more I am involved the more I see the HUGE need for adoption in our country.

PLEASE WATCH THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOqx4ggOJWc

We are not using this organization but God really used this to remind me that the truth of James 1:27 AGAIN!

James 1:27 (New International Version)

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Chicken & Spinach Soup with Fresh PestoI

I was making my menu for the next few months and I found this and thought it would be a good share.

Chicken & Spinach Soup with Fresh Pesto

5 servings, about 1 1/2 cups each

Active Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

INGREDIENTS

• 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, divided
• 1/2 cup carrot or diced red bell pepper
• 1 large boneless, skinless chicken breast (about 8 ounces), cut into quarters
• 1 large clove garlic, minced
• 5 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried marjoram
• 6 ounces baby spinach, coarsely chopped
• 1 15-ounce can cannellini beans or great northern beans, rinsed
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/3 cup lightly packed fresh basil leaves
• Freshly ground pepper to taste
• 3/4 cup plain or herbed multigrain croutons for garnish (optional)

PREPARATION

1. Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add carrot (or bell pepper) and chicken; cook, turning the chicken and stirring frequently, until the chicken begins to brown, 3 to 4 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute more. Stir in broth and marjoram; bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the chicken is cooked through, about 5 minutes.
2. With a slotted spoon, transfer the chicken pieces to a clean cutting board to cool. Add spinach and beans to the pot and bring to a gentle boil. Cook for 5 minutes to blend the flavors.
3. Combine the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, Parmesan and basil in a food processor (a mini processor works well). Process until a coarse paste forms, adding a little water and scraping down the sides as necessary.
4. Cut the chicken into bite-size pieces. Stir the chicken and pesto into the pot. Season with pepper. Heat until hot. Garnish with croutons, if desired.

NUTRITION

Per serving: 204 calories; 8 g fat (2 g sat, 4 g mono); 29 mg cholesterol; 16 g carbohydrates; 18 g protein; 6 g fiber; 691 mg sodium; 529 mg potassium.

Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (110% daily value), Folate & Vitamin C (20% dv).

Selfish!

Thats me! I went for a power walk this morning and spent sometime thinking over my behavior. I am a needy person......I want people to think I am so powerful and have everything under-control. I DON'T! Thanfully the God of the Universe who loves me DOES.

I realized on my little adventure this morning that sometimes my motivation for doing something is for others. Like for example losing this last 30 pounds. I have been trying to get it off because I know people want me to. The first 70 pounds came off because I called on God to help me. I have just been trusting myself to finish this battle .............. so no wonder I can't get it off.

Dwight Peterson spoke yesterday about how our body is ours we have to push it we have to beat it into submission BUT we can't do that on our own strength. We need

1. 1 Our Bibles

Hebrews 4:12

¹²For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

2 Timothy 3:16

¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

2. Prayer

Matthew 26:40-41

⁴⁰Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. ⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

James 5:16

¹⁶Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

3. The Body of Christ

Galatians 6:1-2

¹Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. ²Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Day of Fire Cornerstone With Lyrics

:)

Things are better....sorta! I am getting more excited the more I talk about it! Teehee! I asked Jaxon about having a new Baby at our house. He wants to name it "Shee Shee Sha Sha".

It made me smile. I am so excited that we are going to have a new member of our family. I am excited at the fact that God is working things together right NOW. I am excited that He knows what I need and when I need it.

I spent some time talking with my Dad and Big Brother and was so very clearly reminded that I chose this route. That when I was 16 at BaYouCa I told God that I was serious. I am now 26 and I feel like THIS year God has asked me to prove how serious I was.

So I am gonna be a holding true.....fighting hard....praying constantly.....grace seeking.....love giving....totally and completely forgiven believer in the God of the Universe who knows me and still wants to use me.

The Smile!

Baby!

Praise the Amazing God of the Universe!! He has brought Dave and I to the place that we really feel adoption is for us! I am so excited but I feel like I just keep hitting my head up againest a wall! Every adoption agency or group has all these reasons why it doesn't work or NY Laws!! GGRRRR!! I am just frustrated! I was really hoping this would go smooth lol HAHAHA i know I know!!
OK so I am changing my attitude we really wanted to do this and I know God is taking us on this journey but it looks like its gonna be a rocky start! PLEASE PRAY!!

He Is!!

Its funny to me what God uses to grab my attention. I was watching Youtube clips from the Cars Movie with Jaxon and then I put him to bed....so after snuggling with my Baby Boy a bit I came back out to the computer. I am always inspired by music and was looking some Casting Crowns up when I saw Aaron Jeffery's "He Is" so i played it. Ugh! Its so so powerful to think that the God of the Bible who is so alive in each book is the very same God who loves me. Read the Lyrics! When you do remember this God who is alive and real is coming again for you.

In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our High Priest
Numbers, The fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice
Judges, law giver
In Ruth, the kinsmen-redeemer
First and second Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign

Ezra, true and faithful scribe
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song

In Proverbs, wisdom's cry
Ecclesiastes, the time and season
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream

He is, He is, HE IS!

In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire

In Hosea, He is forever faithful
In Joel, He's the Spirits power
In Amos, the arms that carry us
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior
In Jonah, He's the great missionary

In Micah, the promise of peace
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage
In Zechariah, our fountain

In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings

He is, He is, HE IS!

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven
In Romans, He's the grace of God
In Corinthians, the power of love
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin

Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servants heart
In Colossians, He's the Godhead Trinity
Thessalonians, our coming King
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor

In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant
In James, the one who heals the sick.
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords

He is, He is, HE IS!

The prince of peace
The Son of man
The Lamb of God
The great I AM

He's the alpha and omega
Our God and our Savior
He is Jesus Christ the Lord
and when time is no more
He is, HE IS!