Filling u in!

Please forgive how scattered this sounds. I know I need to get my thoughts down but I am still sorta processing them.

I am not sure exactly how to start.

I guess by saying that this is NOT what I expected.

Yesterday was a LONG day!

It started with us having to emergency update our home study.

Thankfully we have the best SW in the world. Who got up at the crack of dawn to come to our house so that we could get on the road.

We got on the road!

It felt like it took days but 3 1/2 hours later we made it to the hospital.

The Birth Mom's SW met us in the lobby.

After a brief potty break we headed to go see our Boy!

Seeing her again and holding him for the first time...

Let me put it this way,

when you decide to do open adoption you prep yourself. You run over every possible scenario in your mind but EVERYTHING changes when you are in that room. It is totally different when you look into her eyes and you see the love for your child. You feel her ache and you want to just hug them both. No one preps you for the fact that you have to watch someone mother your child.

I was NOT expecting that. I was not expecting to feel like I just got kicked in the face.

As I sit and process all this information based on yesterday, God reminded me...

It was like a still, gentle voice saying,

Jeanne, I have this under control. I have been here the whole time. This hurts you because I want you to understand her sacrifice. I want you to taste just a sample of what she will feel for months. Jeanne, I love you. And I told you I wouldn't give you more than you could handle. Jeanne, do you think I have left this situation? Jeanne, I am everywhere and this adoption is important to Me. ~ God

LOL I know that God doesn't "speak" to us but I do believe that God brings realization to our hearts. Last night as I was crying and aching to hold my new born son GOD reminded me that this never was and never will be about me. HE reminded me that He led us here and He isn't about to leave us.

So, Dave and I ordered chinese and pizza and curled up in our hotel room and just soaked it in.

After a good nights sleep and some serious prayer... I woke up this morning reminded that nothing has changed. We are still moving forward.

So, here is the update!!!

At 12 noon we will go to the hospital to get our amazingly adorable chubby cheeked (they are so squishy) Little Boy!!!

Tomorrow we will go to the adoption agency at 1pm to the sign the papers that will make him legally our son!! Woot woot!

Tomorrow evening we will see the Birth Mom and her family again as we take part in an adoption blessing ceremony. We will spend some time in prayer together.

So tomorrow evening I will have pictures to POST!!!

Dawson is perfect!!!

It's gonna be close!

WOW!!

So taking a nap on this cuddly, snuggly wet afternoon and our SW calls!

I yelled for Dave thinking " Woot woot she is in labor"

RAH!

She is not in labor yet!

The SW called to tell us that our homestudy runs out on Oct. 30th

That becomes a problem because we are crossing state lines. If the Birth Mom doesn't go into labor like TODAY it could really change things.

I am not one to rush a baby out of his cozy comfort BUT eek in this case we gotta get a move on.

So I am asking for Prayer!

Pray that the Birth Mom goes into active labor tonight or tomorrow, so that at the latest the Baby is born Sunday and then the State people have 1 week to get everything done.

If for some reason that doesn't happen we will have to stay back and have ANOTHER home study ($1,800) on tuesday before we can even go see him! UGH!!

So~ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY.

I don't want to think the worst but if its not done in time Dawson will have to be left in interim care and we will have to come back to NY without him until the whole thing is settled. Ugh. I know he is close and I know he will be well taken care of BUT I am praying for a miracle.

Please join us in prayer.

Thank You!

Lord,

So You have moved and blessed and controlled this whole thing. You know the details and You know whats coming next. I am so thankful for the overwhelming amount of peace You have given me. Lord, I know that You haven't left us and You are still faithful. My prayer is just that Dawson would come tonight, tomorrow or Sunday. Lord, I am not done trusting You and I know You will prove Yourself mighty however You see fit. Lord, we trust You with Dawson.

Amen.

It's 4:30AM and I am WIDE awake.

This isn't too out of the ordinary. I often wake up a few times in the night.

Tonight is a little different. I am awake and my stomach really hurts.

So instead of laying in bed and fighting a battle of sleep (that I won't win). I am going to take this time that God obviously wants me awake, to pray .... and blog.

God,

Thanks. You have brought us so far. Now here we sit just a few days away from going to get our new little boy. Who would have thought it? In a year from when we started the process.

You Lord, You are so so good. I just want to say thank You.

Even now I am comforted by Your love. You have wrapped Your loving arms around me and this little family. You have guided and opened our eyes to things we might have never understood.

Thank You for opening our eyes. Thank You for letting us be one of the families that You bless with adoption. Lord, You have used adoption to change us and mold us, and although times have been tough and I am SURE we will have more tough times ahead I am confident in You. I hold tight to Your Righteous Right Hand. Thank You Father. Thank You!

The BEST part of the journey!

Here we sit just a few days away from the due date of our son. I know we are being prayed for!

The peace is just so great. I am confident that God is holding, guiding and molding in this situation. We are about to embark on the part of the journey that I have longed for. The part that has woken me in the middle of the night. The part of the journey when there really is no turning back. I am so excited that I am almost numb.

God has blessed in that my mind is no longer wandering on what could go wrong. I have a HUGE amount of peace in what will happen.

What I didn't expect is that satan would still try to reek havoc on our lives.

Peace was what satan was using. Satan was convincing me that God can't give me peace.

Peace I have!

Now satan is trying to distract us.

Circumstances have led us to Jaxon needing a new mattress.

So now just a few days before we are supposed to be spending a week away I am running around like crazy to get Jax a new mattress.

UGH!!!!

Not what I want to be doing! I want to be preparing for the tiny new addition to our home!

I guess to sum up it's this simple:

Please continue to pray for us. Pray that God will put satan in his place and get him and his silly issues out of my house.

Pray that we don't get discouraged. At this point we are kinda laughing it off. It is NOT what we want to be doing but this mattress issue isn't gonna make us give up now!

The idea of that makes me laugh.

We are NOT giving up!

Interesting!

I really like cute little signs.

Things that say quirky little quotes or things I need to remember.

As I was dusting today I noticed I have 3 that say the same things.

I can't believe I hadn't noticed before.

Obviously, I need to remember that Prayer Changes Things!