I LOVE, ADORE, HOLD ON TO SO TIGHTLY that the God of the Universe loves me despite ALL the wrong things I have done.
I am not above or beyond anyone. God loves me even though I have made HUGE mistakes. Even though I have wasted so much time seeking my own desires. HE LOVES ME ANYWAY!!
He loved me even when I turned away from Him...
Ok this is when it gets really out loud....
*Background*
I grew up in a christian home. Not to say that we didn't have issues, but my parents offered me a moral compass. I attend christian high school. I was active in our youth ministry.
My faith was real but it still felt empty.
I remember it clearly. I was 18 and I didn't really fit in with the youth group kids anymore.
This place that I had called home for SO LONG suddenly felt empty and lonely even though it was filled with people I knew.
I walked out of the service and as I pushed through the doors I remember clearly thinking that I was never coming back.
I was going to walk away from this faith that I had known for years because it didn't "feel" right anymore...
I am not kidding. This is not a joke...
I was completely serious; I was done!
I walked out onto the porch and a dear friend grabbed my arm.
I don't have any idea how he knew.
But he said " Hey, I have been meaning to ask you... do you want to serve in youth ministry?"
I remember laughing at him.
I told him he was crazy and all I could get out was that there was no way I could go back to lead!
He convinced me to give it a chance.
What I didn't know then is he might have been just asking me because there was a shortage of leaders and he was desperate.... BUT GOD... see God knew that this faith I had carried for years was off. God knew that my faith had no feet. That I was there... but I hadn't ever served.
In that moment God used this friend to open my eyes to the fact that it's not about me at all.
See, it didn't matter how empty or sad I felt inside that building. What mattered was that I started to serve.
What's even more amazing is as I began to serve God kept placing me with people who I thought I could NEVER love.
God trumped me over and over that IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!
This is not to say that I don't still struggle with my selfishness.... but thankfully God has placed some pretty amazing people in my life who love me enough to tell me when I am wrong or to question my motives.
Everyday since then has been a journey. A journey of God doing what He does best.... bringing me to a place where I am reminded that I am here to serve Him.
When I finally stopped living for me.... He showed me how amazing it is to live for HIM.
