Why I love Starbucks more than Christmas

Christmas is a name.
Starbucks is made of people.


Is there anything else to say?!

Christmas will always be Christmas whether you do or do not buy a paper cup!
Christmas is still Christmas if the cup has Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, or Feliz Navidad!!!

See, God still sent His Son Jesus... whether it is on a cup or not. 
He did that because He loves us. He sent His Son to be the payment for all the wrong in the world! 
He did that because He wants us to LOVE and to be LOVED!! 

So walking into ANY place of business and playing a "prank" on them because they don't believe the same as you... well to be frank, is just wrong... and really stupid. 

I'm not trying to insult ANYONE. 
I just think we need to be really careful. 

So let me sum up...

I LOVE Jesus! I think Christmas is AMAZING!!
And I love people. So here's a twist... let's be nice!
I think we have MUCH bigger issues to address! Did you know that November is National Adoption Month/ Orphan Care Month?!
Did you know that MILLIONS of children are sleeping cold, hungry and alone? And we are fighting over paper cups?!

So before you walk into Starbucks and LIE ('cause that's not wrong at all!!) saying that your name is Merry Christmas just so  someone who works there knows where you stand on the topic... Why not smile at them... Thank them for what they do... and when you leave, encourage them to have a great year? 

 

A few thoughts from inside the crazy head of mine!

I heard this quote...

" If you aren't willing to look stupid, nothing great is EVER going to happen to you"

 What really matters?

Does it matter what people think about me?

Should I try so hard to make sure people are happy?

I DO NOT... DO NOT.... DO NOT buy into the "just make yourself happy" movement!!

At all! 

 NO I don't deserve happiness! Not at the expense of others.
I don't get to sacrifice my responsibilities because I'm " not happy"
This is not that blog. Another day!*WINK*
So after that...
The question still stares us in the face...

Am I willing to look stupid or make mistakes in order to grow or help others grow?

Am I willing to get criticized for my stance on something or the way I am going about making some changes?

Do I care if people think I look stupid?

If you have the answer I am certainly interested.

I will happily and willingly run, jump even cling to a "crazy" way of doing things.
Maybe it's my personality, but I don't really care so much about publicly failing. Don't get me wrong; it doesn't feel good, but it also doesn't hurt too much either. It's just awkward. We poo poo failure as if it's the worst possible thing you can do. If we try, we WILL have failure. Failure is a step in the learning journey.
You've heard it before. EVERYONE who invented, created, made a new path.... they ALL failed first. They all looked crazy in the face of their peers.
I like history so I am always intrigued by the trend setter.
People who stopped following the crowd. People who decided to do things differently.
People who might have been terrified but "looked stupid" anyway... Simply for the sake of CHANGE!
My final thought is this:
If we are unwilling to look, act and be different... we will stay the same!
I have been burdened to live far, far, far away from "normal". So I don't want to be the same.

Memorial Day!

Why I LOVE/HATE Memorial Day...

This day stirs up so many emotions.

A sense of pride in my country.

The proud fact that I come from a Military Family.

The heart ache for those military families whose loved ones didn't come home.

And mostly frustration....

Not so much in an angry way but in a 'I wish you could see what I see' way.

I wrestle with this  "we can be who we want" attitude that this generation seems to be grasping onto.

And although I mostly agree, the frustration comes when we forget that the freedom we have to " be ourselves" or "express the true me" only comes because men and women lost their lives defending this country. 

So when I get this push back on being patriotic or loving our country it makes me a little sad.

I want my sons to grow up knowing that the freedoms they have and the freedoms of others came from brave soldiers who knew the cost was worth it.

So... Anti-War Organizers... I am with you! And so is every military mom ,wife, sister or daughter in the USA.... WE HATE WAR TOO!! But as you go out to protest, please just remember the freedom you have to publicly state your beliefs came from OUR family members bravely fighting and sacrificing EVERYTHING so that you could.

Freedom isn't free.... But it's worth fighting for. 

Ok that's it! 

Sorry if I stepped on some toes.... This is my freedom too. (wink)

Lonely Pain

There is this point in life when you are so alone that you just cry from the deepest part of your heart and you plead for God to hear you.

This deep heart cry often comes from the loss of a loved one. Being in church ministry for 8 years that is when I saw it most.
Every once in a while you would see it in the loss of plans or expectations that aren't met. Things like betrayal of trust or selfishness can also force you into this place.  All that to say I believe NO ONE can avoid this type of pain. At some point in your life you WILL feel this dark hurt.
And I think you have 2 choices when it comes to you....
A. Get angry and separate yourself from those near you. This is not a judgement this is EXACTLY what I have done. I don't think it's healthy but I do, unfortunately, think its normal.
or
B. Jesus. God. The Church. Faith. Grace. Peace. I know these just sound like nice words but what if they really work? Even being a pastor's wife these are still things I battle with. I get angry and I don't trust that this stuff will really work. I wish I was joking... I'm not. 

So here is the out loud part...
I know I have mentioned in the past that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. What I haven't mentioned is the amount of pain I'm in. It is not abnormal for RA patients to live with a certain level of constant/chronic pain. It is also not abnormal for that pain to be worse/better when really nothing will have changed.
On a scale from 1-10. 1 (annoying pain) 10 ( worst pain I have ever felt)
I have been functioning at 6-8 for a few weeks now.
Besides my husband and a few select friends I haven't shared this info with anyone because, well frankly, I was choosing option A.  Like I said, its what I do. It seems more logical to push everyone out of my life and live in a world isolated and alone. Also, I don't want to be the person who whines about "their pain". I  would have to write a whole different blog about how people with chronic pain don't look like they are in pain, so people assume they aren't. Inside tip on that.... THEY ARE IN PAIN it just means either you are seeing them when the meds are working and it's the part of the day when they feel best OR they are acting. I have to tell you it is often the latter.
Recently, I had a great chat with a friend who is more mature than me and also lives with constant pain. Her thoughts brought me to a very broken but necessary place...
Jesus felt a lot of pain and although His pain only lasted a few days it was WAY worse than what I'm feeling and His pain accomplished something. So every time I throw a pity party for myself and my pain, every time I close myself off from people I am NOT being a good steward of the life God has given me.
That thought seemed so foreign to me. You mean I am supposed to be a good steward of the "bad" things in my life?
It gives new meaning to that verse James 1:2 "Consider it ALL joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials"
I do not pretend to have all the answers here. 
What I have decided is that I am going to beg God to remove this from my life and if that's not what He wants, then my prayer is that He shows me how to use it! 
People hurt EVERY DAY! Whether it's physical or emotional pain; I know now that hurt is something that people live with everyday and I'm sick of living in a state where I just ignore that others hurt. I want to be consumed with God and I want that to pour out of me by loving others. ALL others! 
So if you have some sort of constant pain ... I would encourage you to find someone to talk to. If you don't have someone, please message me... I would LOVE to chat, pray and encourage you.  

lies!

Why is telling a lie so easy?

I think of it periodically because deceit was a HUGE problem for me in my teen years.

I find it interesting how quickly I can fall back into it.

With silly things like .....

My kids say mom can we ( insert some crazy or time consuming thing, that I am not excited about cleaning up)
and I reply "in a few minutes"
KNOWING that I don't plan to allow them to do what they suggested.

That's silly but NO LESS of a lie.

Then in bigger things like when someone asks my opinion and I am fearful of what they will think if they hear my "real" thoughts... So I tell them what they want to hear. Still a lie right?

OR OR

When I add a tiny more exciting element to a story just to make people more impressed with me.... Still a lie?

Are these words hurting anyone? Not really, but am I creating a character that people (my children, friends and family) can trust?


I read verses like these:

Proverbs 19:9 

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.

Proverbs 12:22 

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

And I think... So where do I go from here?

Am I doomed to be the person who subtly lies for the rest of her life?

I know God hates it and I know I don't really want to have anything to do with it. 

So what do I do from here? Where do I go next?

First, I remind myself that God doesn't hate me. 

It sounds funny to say but I need constant reminding that God loves me so much and that He is NOT this power hungry Being in the sky. I force myself to instead remember that He is loving, gentle and quick to forgive. That always astounds me because I mess up ALL THE TIME. Yet He loves me, seeks me out, enjoys my love.

Second, I remember the HUGENESS of His love. I remind myself that the silly lies or "BIG" sin issues I am having are ALL paid for. He sent His Son to shed blood all over that ugly sin in my life. 

Third, I put off the silly petty lies and resolve to be a truth teller.

So when my children ask me to do something I would rather not; instead of saying "In a few minutes" or "Maybe later" I will say " Hey guys, that project has a lot of little details that I would rather not clean up, IF you guys can promise to clean up the mess then sure we can do..."

When it comes to giving my opinion on a sensitive subject; instead of just saying what I think they want to hear I could say " You know that is a sensitive subject. Are you sure you are ready to hear thoughts that might be different from yours or something you might not like?" If the response is yes... Then with grace, love and a gentle spirit I tell them how I feel.

And as far as spicing up my stories....

That seems easy. I am going to start thinking long and hard before I decide to share a story. 

I am going to think about how useful is it that I HAVE TO SHARE A STORY? Am I trying to make the conversation about me?  

If that story is still applicable and not ME centered then I share my story... as I remember it with no added details or scenarios and pray God uses it. 

All that to say... 

I am learning that truth telling is so much more than just being honest. I want to have a truthful spirit and I NEVER want to be accused of being a liar. The thought makes me sick. 

My blog is called Living Life Out Loud and the whole concept is that I have NOTHING to hide;

that you could dig into the deepest crevice of my heart and world and there is NOTHING I would hide; NOTHING that I would be unwilling to talk about.

That said... 

I have lied. I spent a lot of my teen years deceiving anyone I could and frankly enjoying it.

Since God has changed my heart I have still lied. I have misled, bent the truth and even straight out lied. No sugar coat just plain lied.

And I am sorry. It is a battle I fear I will fight my whole life. BUT PRAISE GOD I am forgiven. PRAISE GOD!! I don't have to live in a constant state of guilt. My sin is paid for and I am set free.  

So if you knew me then -vs- now; you can see the difference.  I don't struggle with outright big ugly whoppers of lies... But as you can see, I still struggle with the silly little things that are still lies and I REFUSE to allow lies to creep back into my world and start to define me.  God has done a MIGHTY work changing the heart and mind of this crazy girl and I have no plans on returning to the sad, insecure girl who felt lies were the only way to get or keep friends. What a backwards way of thinking!! 

So if lies are your battle.... Just remember you aren't alone and you DO NOT have to stay there!