When God is ready~

Do you think it's crazy that I think our Baby will be here soon?

I really don't want to get my hopes up but in a way I do want to get my hopes up.

I placed all my hopes and dreams in the Hands of my Savior. He can do this.

He could do it today if He wanted.

So the question is:

If I get my hopes up, am I showing God I trust Him?

Or

Am I just setting myself up for hurt when He is trying to teach me patience.

EEEKKKK!!!

Really God.....patience!! Is that really what you want to do?

UGH!!

You know You've tried to teach me this before and it never really sticks!

Ok OK so this time You are gonna make it stick.

Thats kinda scary.

What Difference Does It Make?

We went to the Holiday Getaway. Here are some thoughts:

Secretly, I really want a larger house and more things to make my house more inviting. I want the right kind of decorations and candles to make my home look lovely. BUT more than anything else I want to serve the Lord.

So I don't mind my smaller house. I don't mind not having exactly what I want . I don't mind getting hand me down clothes. I don't mind shopping at the Salvation Army. I really don't mind that we have never had brand new furniture.

I don't mind all of that because we are in ministry.

I love that we are scraping to get by because we want to serve God by adopting a child.

It is hard sometimes because there are certainly things I WANT.

But at the end of my life when I am laying on my death bed I can't take my dream house or my dream car. I absolutely can make a difference in this world for the cause of Christ.

When I was 16 at Camp BaYouCa GOD called me into full time ministry and I promised Him my life.

In the last few years God has been preparing my heart and moving in my life.

He has tested me in whether I would give up everything for Him. One situation I remember very clearly. A situation had happened and I really had NO CLUE what I was getting myself into. So crying, I kissed my little boy goodbye, really not sure if I would see him again. I was scared but, as I left, confidence flooded my soul, because I was certain I was obeying the God of the Universe.

So I don't need toys, I don't need the "perfect" house and as hard as this is to say; I don't need my babies. I need the grace of Jesus Christ and I am committed to serving Him.

So even though we still need $10,000 for this adoption and I truly don't know how we are going to make it happen. I promised my WHOLE life to the God of the Universe. So it doesn't make a difference if I have all the fun things or things I think I need..... All that matters is that I am

part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

Servants Creed...We are the fellowship of the unashamed.

We cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back; deluded, or delayed. We will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, and meander in the maze of mediocrity. We won't give up, shut up, let up. Until we're stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. We are Servants for Christ! We must go until he comes, give until we drop, Preach until all know, and work until He stops us. When He comes for His own, He won't have any problem recognizing us. Our colors will be clear!

Wait

I really have been struggling to blog lately. Mostly because we are kinda at a standstill as far as adoption stuff. I say "standstill" its not really...God is moving in hearts and perfectly choosing the Baby for us. So really we are doing anything but "standing still"!

BUT... we are waiting. It's only been a week. I promised myself that I wasn't going to stress myself out waiting. That when God was ready for us to have a Baby it would happen.

MOMS: Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up in the night and HAVE to check and make sure that the kids are ok?

I have that feeling every night. I get up and look at Jaxon and kiss his little head. As I head back to my bed my heart breaks because I KNOW that I have another child out there. A child that I am supposed to be kissing goodnight. A child that I should be checking on. A child that needs to be cuddled and tucked in. And there is literally nothing physically I can do. So I lay in bed and pray myself back to sleep. I pray that God protects our Baby. I pray that He keeps the Birth Mother safe and healthy. I pray that He gives me peace.

God is moving and I don't doubt Him or His timing but I really want to hold our Baby.

We mailed out our profile books.

They were sent all over NY and NJ!

Now we wait!

HELP HELP HELP!!!

HELP!!!!!!!

We are planning another fund raiser. Mostly because if we can't figure this tax credit thing out we will still need $10,000. Which at first seemed like a lot but God has proved EVERYTHING so far so I am not questioning Him.

Here is where I need help, we need ideas!!

I thought about a spaghetti dinner but I would have to rent the hall and buy all the supplies. Then we would have to charge a lot to make anything from it. SO.........

HELP!!!!

Any creative ideas?

I am up for anything!

I was thinking we would plan it for late January or February.

So all I am asking for is ideas.... Lots and lots of ideas!

Plus we still have shirts to sell!

History Maker

I don't have a lot to say and this song won't mean that much to some of you.

You know who you are.

Remember...

Where have I been????

Ok I know I know its been a while! I have written and deleted a few blogs because what I had to say just didn't seem to come out right. Even now I am sitting here trying to force out a blog because I have something very important to say!

I have frustration and reservations and HUGE, HUGE fears! God has proven himself over and over but still I sit here scared out of my mind of where He is taking us.

So here it is:

WE ARE APPROVED!!!!

We just got word from our social worker tonight!!

So our profiles go out tomorrow and at this point we just wait!

UGH!!!

Here is the other thing.

We filled out the form tonight!

The form that says what "type" of child we would take.

Things like:

Sex

Race

Multiple Births (twins)

Mental Health Issues

Medical Health Issues

Birthparent Mental Health Issues

Birthparent Medical Health Issues

That isn't too scary to me. I truly believe that God has laid adoption on our hearts. I know this is EXACTLY what we should be doing. So, it doesn't matter what is "wrong" with this child because God calls us to love the fatherless and that is what we are going to do.

BUT ~ this is one of those situations that Satan is using to get me to rethink what we are doing. To be clear I am not changing my mind. It's just that Satan sees this area in my life and he is feeding me lies. Lies like I could never raise a special needs child. Lies like I am never going to be able to sleep a full night again. Lies like I am not good enough for this. I know the truth!

God just did something so huge (the approval) and Satan hates that and therefore he is messing with my head! UGH!!!

Anyway~ BASICALLY from this point on we just wait!! And pray hard we get the $$$ we need!! God is Good!!