Filling u in!

Please forgive how scattered this sounds. I know I need to get my thoughts down but I am still sorta processing them.

I am not sure exactly how to start.

I guess by saying that this is NOT what I expected.

Yesterday was a LONG day!

It started with us having to emergency update our home study.

Thankfully we have the best SW in the world. Who got up at the crack of dawn to come to our house so that we could get on the road.

We got on the road!

It felt like it took days but 3 1/2 hours later we made it to the hospital.

The Birth Mom's SW met us in the lobby.

After a brief potty break we headed to go see our Boy!

Seeing her again and holding him for the first time...

Let me put it this way,

when you decide to do open adoption you prep yourself. You run over every possible scenario in your mind but EVERYTHING changes when you are in that room. It is totally different when you look into her eyes and you see the love for your child. You feel her ache and you want to just hug them both. No one preps you for the fact that you have to watch someone mother your child.

I was NOT expecting that. I was not expecting to feel like I just got kicked in the face.

As I sit and process all this information based on yesterday, God reminded me...

It was like a still, gentle voice saying,

Jeanne, I have this under control. I have been here the whole time. This hurts you because I want you to understand her sacrifice. I want you to taste just a sample of what she will feel for months. Jeanne, I love you. And I told you I wouldn't give you more than you could handle. Jeanne, do you think I have left this situation? Jeanne, I am everywhere and this adoption is important to Me. ~ God

LOL I know that God doesn't "speak" to us but I do believe that God brings realization to our hearts. Last night as I was crying and aching to hold my new born son GOD reminded me that this never was and never will be about me. HE reminded me that He led us here and He isn't about to leave us.

So, Dave and I ordered chinese and pizza and curled up in our hotel room and just soaked it in.

After a good nights sleep and some serious prayer... I woke up this morning reminded that nothing has changed. We are still moving forward.

So, here is the update!!!

At 12 noon we will go to the hospital to get our amazingly adorable chubby cheeked (they are so squishy) Little Boy!!!

Tomorrow we will go to the adoption agency at 1pm to the sign the papers that will make him legally our son!! Woot woot!

Tomorrow evening we will see the Birth Mom and her family again as we take part in an adoption blessing ceremony. We will spend some time in prayer together.

So tomorrow evening I will have pictures to POST!!!

Dawson is perfect!!!