New Year Plans!

I have wanted to sit down and blog for WEEKS!
Why haven't I?
150 reasons that would no doubt make you chuckle.

I have wanted to blog like 8 different ideas, 7 of which my sweet, amazing hubby says " Babe, you can't post that" ... and I willingly (sometimes not so willingly) trust that he is probably right.

So here it is...
Christmas is over. I have started my shopping list for next year because I am "that person".
The decorations are put away and the apartment is all clean and tidy and smells like vanilla.                (you don't care how my apartment smells but it matters to me)

I LOVE JANUARY! I think its because of the fresh start that the New Year brings.
All the attempts at bettering myself that I have failed at now seem silly and here I am aiming for new thoughts and new ways to become a better person.

I LOVE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!!! I think they are exciting and a new adventure! Now my personality is called expressive and that means I am all in for the ride and journey. I could care less if I fail.

Over the last few years I have really been focused on a healthier life style. No more fad diets! So far I have been pretty successful. Somethings I still struggle but my overall health is SO much better.
That said... I have decided that I would LOVE to treat my RA with diet and essential oils!! I am so excited!!
I spent some time doing research and talking with people WAY smarter than me and we came to the conclusion that this is the BEST option for me.

So as we get ready to dive into 2015... I am excited to see where essential oils lead my health.
I am hoping to post some of the changes I see and which oils helped.

Do you have a resolution or a way you want to better yourself in the New Year? Feel free to share!

One of those days...

You know that "I'm so totally overwhelmed I don't know where to start and I think I would rather stay on my bed and eat chocolate and get really fat and die" feeling? 

No.... Just me then? 

Hahaha I have to be honest... I don't always feel this way. 

But OH BABY when I do... It's not pretty. 

The really silly thing is I can always tell when it's coming.

 I start feeling insecure. 

I start to wonder if I will ever accomplish my goals. 

I get stressed and then I get grumpy. Grumpy at things that just shouldn't matter. 

This is when the cleaning starts. A trait I inherited from my mother... But for some reason stress pushes me into a full on cleaning frenzy! You can imagine this doesn't go over so well in a house of boys. Then I get even more discouraged because said boys CAN NOT for the life of them keep things tidy. Reality quickly sets in that they are 7 and 2 and their standard of clean is going to look quite different than mine. 

Then I take a GIANT deep breath. (You take one too! It helps!)

 I sit back and I make a to do list... I decide that I am only one person and I can only do so much. I keep a calendar and a schedule and I try my best. 

Things WILL fall through the cracks and I am certain this will cause me to panic.... But then I take another deep breath and start again.

This week has a lot in it .... So I have a to do list for each day. 

It might sound a little over the top but I tell you what.... It keeps that grumpy, frustrated side of me away. It helps me enjoy those things that would normally drive me nutty. Like for example my 2 year old deciding that he should totally unlace his shoes...right before we are walking out the door! 

I don't know why I thought by the time I got to 30 I would have things figured out.... FYI I totally Don't!

But I'm starting to enjoy the journey. 

Grown up conversation.

A friend had a meeting a few hours away and didn't want to drive by herself. So after talking the hubbykins into this great idea... We headed out. 

I dropped her off at her meeting and as I pulled away I thought.... Oh crap... What am I gonna do? Haha. I hate HATE being alone. So I ended up at Starbucks. 

I have to tell you.... My favorite part of all of this was just completing a thought. 

That sounds funny right?

But as a mommy... Sometimes it is impossible just to complete a sentence without interruption. Now these tiny people need attention and I am not down playing that. But sometimes it's nice to just soak in complete thoughts that don't include potty schedules and sippy cups. 

You may chuckle, think I'm crazy or even agree... But sometimes it's nice to talk to grown ups about anything ... I had a funny little conversation with the Starbucks guy about flour less cookies. It wasn't that interesting and he was probably just trying to sell me a cookie BUT who cares!! It was just nice. As I sit here a bride is chatting with her wedding planner ( big cheesy grin) I am just soaking in the details of her amazing wedding and beside me to lawyers are going over the list of applicants they met today and rating them. This is just plain fun for me!

Now I do understand that not everyone is this way! Haha. I love LOVE meeting new people and making new friends.  Maybe I am wrong but I think every mom at some point just needs to have adult conversation..... Maybe I am crazy? Ok we know I'm crazy.... But what do you think? 

My view as I write.

When as a mom you are SURE you might lose your mind.

I wrote this a month or so ago.....
My boys had gotten the stomach bug for the 3rd time this winter.
I didn't publish it because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just ranting.
But as I read it now I am laughing out loud and even tearing up a little.
This post came from a mom at the end of her rope.
I see her from time to time ( wink)

So read and laugh.... try not to judge. But know you aren't alone out there!





I don't know whether I should laugh or cry!

I chuckle even as I write that.

My boys have been sick for the last few days.
For the last 4 days neither one of them or myself have left our apartment.
Today is the first day that they both have felt great!
Which is good news.... except that they are getting on each others nerves.

So between cleaning... I am breaking up fights and forcing them to play AWAY from each other.
This is where the should I cry or laugh thing comes into play.
I haven't showered!
I don't know if I have brushed my teeth! ( eww)
I have all sorts of things stuck to my shirt.
Including a pig sticker that was VERY VERY important to my 2 year old. Who was so upset that said sticker was stuck on me that he went into a full on temper tantrum!
I can't remember the last time I took a shower without little people barging in.
For that matter I can't remember the last time I used the bathroom when I could close the door without someone doing something they shouldn't.

This is not a complain fest! I get it! I signed up for this.
AND as hard as it is I wouldn't change it.
But I am kinda sick of the perfect mom mentality that is pressed on us.
WE ARE NOT PERFECT!
We will lose our temper sometimes.
Sometimes we will feed our kids PB&J not because its their favorite but because we don't have energy for anything else.
We could quite possibly go a few days in a row with a clean house and clean kids but not take a shower!
I am impressed by those people who have it together.
I just think its time MOMS UNITE and stop setting such crazy expectations for ourselves.
I would be thrilled if I got to the end of my day and didn't lose my temper... But if that meant that I needed to sacrifice dishes, laundry or dusting.... would I be willing?

What would it take?

What would you do?

How far would you go?

If doing the right thing meant letting go of something.... would you?

You know ( jeesh I hope you know) that I have a relationship with a big God.
But even if you don't.... when did we as a human race stop caring about other people?

For real. It's a legit question.

 When did we start putting our needs above the needs of others?

When did we start saying things like " I am not happy so I am leaving"
forgetting entirely the lives that would be affected?

When did we stop caring about people because I don't have time ( but I just went home to watch TV)?

This is not me being judgmental. I am SO guilty of both of these.

My question is....

What would it take?

Would I give up my favorite TV show to help someone?

Would I sacrifice my "happiness" for the benefit of others?

How far would I go to dramatically change how I interact with people?

Would I be willing to give up everything I own to benefit others?

What about my plans?   What about my family? 

How far would I go to change the lives of people who are hurting?

If I decided to go ALL IN and act different... How long before I give up?

What's holding me back from really actually helping people?

Is it my social life? Is it that I am scared?

Of what?   

Am I really scared of people?  Nope.

Am I scared of being mocked? Maybe.

I am not here with an answer but I do think we are missing out on SO much by hiding in our "safe" places.
To be perfectly honest.... I am sick of feeling safe! Even as I write that out I get a sick feeling in my stomach.
But I mean it.

I am sick and tired of doing nothing because I am afraid of the unknown.

How far are we willing to go for the benefit of others?

Think Christians are hypocrites?? Yeah... so do I !

I am going to try to write this as graciously as I possibly can. I went to a conference recently and something we heard over and over was " Approach trumps content EVERY time".

I think Christians have a tendency to be hypocrites.
I hate that ALL Christians get pegged with the bad deeds of some. I want to try my hardest not to hurt or anger anyone on purpose... that would make me just as wrong.

OK so here it is....

I think that it is very dangerous when Christians put sin in levels.
Making one worse than another.

A Cheater is no worse than a gossip or a meddler.

The Bible very clearly says let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I truly and HUGELY believe in the body of Christ and the accountability that comes with it.
I do think there is room for a gracious and loving approach to someone struggling with sin.
There is NOT room for gossiping, back biting and slander.

I am not innocent. I have made mistakes and talked about people behind their backs too. So this isn't me judging you.
This is me asking you to look at the situation.
Consider the people involved.
Do you honestly think they want their business spread all over?
If this was you.... would you want people talking about you?

Isn't the golden rule:
"Do unto others what you would have them do unto you"

These are not complicated thoughts.

Its actually really simple...
You want people to stop thinking of Christians as hypocrites?
Stop talking behind each others' backs.
Stop kicking people when they are already down.
Stop talking about their sin.... because you are sinning when you do.

The cliff.

Ever have that moment when you feel like you are at a pivotal point in your life?
I often liken it to walking to the edge of a cliff wall.
It's terrifying.
You don't know how things are going to look from up there.
You put so much effort into hiking the mountain, just so you can scale that last part and come to the ledge.
But what if you get there and the view isn't wasn't what you thought it would be, or it doesn't look at all the way you imagined it?

So you don't climb the mountain, right?
I mean it would make more sense to just stay where you are and enjoy the view of what you know. The familiar is always safer, right?

I am not so sure...
What if during the climb you meet some AMAZING people? People who have been fighting the same battles. People who needed to know they weren't alone either.

What if half way through the climb you find this part of you that you didn't even know was there? What if this climb brings out a drive in you that has NEVER been there before?

What if, as you start to realize you are near the top, your whole perspective on life changes?

What if the view from the top is not what you imagined but instead so, so much better?

Would you still go?

I just got back from a CRAZY long weekend. 2 conferences back to back.
One where I was co-leading a workshop. The second where it was made so clear to me that I need to stop waiting for all the right reasons to climb the  mountain and I need to just get up and do it!

Why are we so afraid to move forward?

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between motive and motivation.
My motive tends to be ALL about me. Why am I doing it? Or painfully to say What's in it for me?

Motivation on the other hand is totally different...
Motivation for me often comes from an outside source.
A song, verse or person that encourages me.
A thought or a trigger.

Which is the best reason to get up and do something?

Should we ignore our own personal motive?
When is the best time to stand up and make a difference?

What do you think?

sick kids= crazy mom

I don't even know how to start this blog.
Its as simple I guess as when my kids are sick I turn into this person I don't even know.
I go crazy cleaning!!
I sanitize EVERYTHING!!!
I start with the kitchen and move slow and steady throughout the ENTIRE apartment until at last EVERYTHING (even children) are clean and tidy.
ONLY to have one of them barf again....
Maybe I am crazy but at that point I clean all over again.
You laugh.. I know... But I am totally serious!

Part of me is convinced that if I clean they will get better sooner.
Part of me is sure that I can have some control.
MOST of me is a tad OCD about germs.

I turn into this crazy person that whigs out a little... OK a lot!!
Maybe this is one of those things that gets better as you mature as a mommy.
I hope so!
But at this point... I am a freaked out mess when my kids are sick.

I think the most frustrating part for me is that I KNOW I need to relax.
I hate even saying that word!
I don't want to relax!
I am freaking out for a reason!
MY CHILDREN ARE SICK!!
This is a reason to freak out! Right?!
Say RIGHT!!!!

Ok I know that's not true.
I know I need to relax.
I know that no matter how much I clean it isn't gonna change how quickly they get better.
I know that I have NO control over how it works through their tiny bodies.
I know I just need to keep them as comfortable as possible.

So my kids are sick ...
I am still doing some general cleaning.
BUT
I am going to try my hardest to just cuddle today.
This might include watching a lot more movies then we EVER watch.
But that means mommy gets to cuddle with tiny boys that usually don't like to cuddle.
This also mean I need to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I clean it won't change anything.

SO....
I need to relax! 
UGH!