THIS IS NOT ABOUT ADOPTION..... I DON'T THINK

God has been moving in my heart for months. This will come as a surprise to some of you.

I have been mentioning here and there about my passion for youth ministry.

It's been a fight... a literal battle for me.

Those of you who know me well know this about me.... I am an ALL or NOTHING girl.

That sounds awful but works out good if you are on the all end of things.

I would rather do it myself than ask for help.

I would rather wait to the last minute and work under pressure.

I would rather not have anyone give me advice on how to do something.

I would rather run a program all by myself and get to the end exhausted rather than trust someone else with my plans that they MIGHT mess up.

So when I say God has been working in my heart for the last few months.... I really mean the last 27 years.

I am selfish and I try to do everything myself and then when the bottom drops out, I don't gently step back.... I give up.

I stop everything!

I go wait wait I can't keep up with this so I am not going to do anything.

UGH!!

Just thinking about how that sounds makes me cry but its exactly what I do. I could sit here and spend hours trying to figure out why I do it but the truth is simple.... I am so selfish.

I care about my needs and wants and when they aren't being met I give up.

So this is where I am at...

I am ready to jump back into youth ministry hard core....... but my amazing husband is keeping me on a leash so I don't jump too far.

I am ready to be a voice for the fatherless who don't have anyone speaking out for them...... but I have a friend holding me accountable that I don't let my passions over take me again.

I am ready to start making changes that rock our world and our church...... but I have a Pastor who isn't afraid to tell me when I cross a line.

So God is moving in me and I can't wait to see where HE takes me!