When Guilt is good.

This is what I think...

Ready?

Ok I think I have this pattern. I am very ummm let's go with passionate. I have a problem sometimes being a little too pushy and maybe that can come across as intimidating. So when I am in something; I am 100% in it. If I don't feel like I can give 100% then I either don't do it or I only half heartedly do it.

God is educating me. The last few days I have been consumed with guilt because I realized this pattern. As you already know I am an expressive personality so emotions motivate me. I would not usually say that guilt is a good motivator.... but as I think of it more, I am beginning to think that when guilt comes from God... I need to look at why I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I have done something wrong. I did something wrong and so I need to make some changes.

I need to lay my life out in front of me and look at my priorities.

I need to process and make sure that the roles that God designed for me are my first priority.

THEN ... I need to look at my passions and pray to the God of the Universe to show me where HE would like my "extra" attention to go.

Those of you who have adopted or are in the adoption process; I think you will understand this but I feel as if I look through everything with an adoption filter. Adoption is right in front of us. Truthfully, when we started this process, I was very confident. I didn't realize that it would be so exhausting, pressing, heart wrenching. Which will make my last blog (here) make more sense.

Am I willing to face some really hard questions? Like how far will I go? Is there a point where I will give up?

I WON'T!

I think the deeper we get in this process I realize that God is planning and preparing and needed to rebuild my will. He needed to bring me to a place where my priorities are in order before He can bring our child home.

It's humbling how much He loves me.